Shorthand Seventeen
by SusanMcMovies
Summary: My idea for the 17th book. Vincent Plum Bail Bonds has turned to social networking sites to contact it's FTA's. Stephanie and Lula have irritating and hilarious adventures in that world, along with Stephanie trying out a new love interest.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Hi, I'm Stephanie Plum, and I hate the internet. You'd think I would love it, seeing as I'm lazy. I like being able to look something up in seconds. Having to go though a big book is annoying and boring. I love online shopping, there's no judgment when you select your size. And despite the fact that the majority of the emails I get are offering to enlarge a piece of anatomy I do not possess, looking up porn makes me giggle. Before you call me a perv, I don't get anything from it. Well, maybe I do, but give me a break. I'm only human.

I originally never used the internet. I was never a computer person. But I did eventually get a laptop, and I briefly worked with computers when I worked for Ranger. I'm not a computer whiz by any standard, but I know which end goes up.

Anyway, why I hate the internet is a pretty simple (very human) thing. In text, I can't tell when someone is being serious. It has nothing to do with being gullible. I am not gullible. But it's so easy to lie on the internet. You can't hear the other person's tone through the internet. And it's pretty easy to pull a prank on someone when you can't see their face. They could be laughing their ass off while they are telling you something they want you to believe. And you'd never know.

I work for my cousin Vinny. I'm a bond enforcement agent. It's my job to bring in the people who miss their court dates. I don't even know why I say "miss." Most of them didn't forget; they had no plans to go at all. So I guess I am sort of gullible. I've been tricked by my FTA's plenty of times. Far more than I'd care to count.

I can't seem to find my point. Oh wait, here it is. Recently, Vinny had the "great" idea to try a new way to contact our FTA's.

"Half the guys we bond don't even have a phone!" Vinny said one day when I told him I had no contact information for Tommy Galasnick. Tommy is a purse stealer. He spends what little money he has and finds on things like beer and cheap prostitutes. He apparently never saw a cell phone as being a good investment.

"We'll track him down," Lula said. "It can't be that hard."

"Please," Vinny said, carrying out the "e" sound in disbelief. "You two? I can't trust you to find a good pizza place, let alone a FTA."

"Hey!" I said offended. "What's wrong with Pino's?"

"I was just trying to make a point," Vinny said annoyed. "I'm not actually talking about pizza."

"Well then what are you talking about?" Lula asked.

"Tommy is a mybook junkie," Vinny told us.

"Mybook?" Connie asked.

"I think he means, Facespace," Lula whispered to us, quickly glancing at Vinny and chuckling.

"Whatever," Vinny said rolling his eyes. "He likes the social networking site thingies." Lula and I looked at each other. We didn't get the point he was trying to make here either.

"What does this 'my, face, you, twit,' whatever thing have to do with Tommy?" Connie asked.

"People these days use those things for all of their communication," Vinny explained. "We can find him through that."

"You sure that will work?" I asked. "I think we'd have better luck just tracking him down."

"And how long will that take?" Vinny asked, glaring at me. "I'm gonna loose the money soon."

"Wouldn't we have to make an account on one of those sites to talk to him on there?" I asked. "None of us use those websites."

"Well, start!" Vinny said, aggravated. He went back into his office and slammed the door.

"Hmmm…Pino's," Lula said.

"That's all you took from that isn't it?" Connie asked her.

"Yep," Lula replied. "I'm starving."

"Cripes…" we could hear Vinny groan from his office.

"Let's go," I told Lula. "I'm hungry too."

We got two whole pizzas and found a table in the free WiFi area of Pino's.

"When did this place get internet?" Lula asked.

"When everyone got obsessed with 'those social networking site thingies,'" I said. We had stopped by my apartment to get my laptop. We (or probably just me) were going to figure out how to get an account. I clicked on my internet browser, and waited for it to work. I turned to my pizza and picked up a slice. From the corner of my eye I saw my laptop swivel in a different direction.

"Uh oh," Lula said.

"What'd you do?" I asked. I didn't want any more problems with this computer.

"Whoa…I didn't touch it!" Lula covered up. "But some weird WiFi whatever thing is making a fuss."

"Wha?" I said confused. "Oh," I said, seeing what she was talking about. "I have to click agree to the usage guidelines of Pino's WiFi." I clicked the agree button, and waited for it to accept me.

"Aren't you supposed to read 'guidelines?'" Lula asked.

"No," I told her.

"But you have to make sure you know how all this works," Lula told me.

"What's to know?" I asked. "It's easy."

'Fine, whatever," Lula said. She focused on her own pizza. "Nerd…" she mumbled into her slice.

"I heard that," I mumbled. I opened Google and typed in, 'social networking.' A list of sites popped up. "Huh," I said, scanning it. "I wonder which one he uses?"

"Probably the 'my' or 'face' one," Lula said, peering over to the screen. "Isn't that what Vinny said?"

"He said Mybook," I told her.

"There's, 'Facebook,'" Lula pointed out. "Try that one." I clicked on it, and was brought to the homepage.

"Do you want to make an account, or should I?" I asked her.

"You do it," Lula said. "I don't have time for that kind of stuff."

"Right," I said. I typed in the info it asked for.

Name: Stephanie Plum. Gender: Female. It asked for my email, and the next line asked me to retype my email. What, they didn't see the first one? Date of Birth:…I lied about that one. And then I clicked sign up.

"Hey," Lula said, looking at my info. "You aren't 26."

"Huh? Wait…it should say I'm 24!" I said, put out.

"Oh, maybe that's what it is," Lula said. "I read it wrong. But you aren't 24 either."

"No one has to know that," I told her, I looked away acting innocent. After that page switched to a new page, I had to enter a bunch of other information that seemed pointless. Interests, school and work information, and what 'pages' I liked. I didn't see why this site needed to know all this. Who cares?

Finally after what seemed like forever, I had a Facebook page.

"That took forever," Lula said. She threw down the crust she was gnawing on. I looked down at our table and saw she had eaten all of her pizza, and was reaching for mine.

"Nuh uh!" I told her, slapping her hand away. I examined my new fun, and got confused. "Okay…" I said. "So, how do I find him?"

"Search bar," Lula said. She pointed to it with her greasy finger. It smudged my screen. "Type in his name." I typed in his name, and found 20 hits. None of them seemed to be him.

"Any of these look like Tommy?" I asked her.

"Nope," she said after giving the screen consideration. She turned away and looked around the room. "But that guy does though," she said, pointing to the counter. And there he was, Tommy Galasnick, ordering a pizza. "Should we get him?" she asked me. I slid out of my seat and walked toward him.

"Tommy Galasnick?" I called to him as I was getting closer. He turned away from the clerk and gave me a good look. He looked like he was trying to figure out if he recognized me.

"I'm Stephanie Plum," I told him. "I'm a…" And before I could finish, he was out the door. He seemed he recognized me, I figured I better chase after him. And after him I went.

I chased him in a half circle around the parking lot. Unfortunately there was no one around to help me. Lula was still in Pino's, as was everyone else. I figured I was giving them a good show though. Tommy ended up slowing down, clutching his side. I sped up in an attempt to catch him. But before I could grab his wrist, his hand flung out and whacked me in the chest. I was down on my knee with the air knocked out of me. I watched him finally head for his car and get in. As I was getting up off the ground, I heard a yell.

His car shook for a bit, and then stopped. What the hell had been going on in there? The passenger door opened, and someone stepped out. But it wasn't Tommy. I looked in the driver's side window and saw Tommy, with his hands behind his back.

"Babe…" Ranger said in that sexy voice of his. I just shook my head and laughed.

*the intro will make more sense further into the story. I will try to post a chapter a day. –DD *


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"You just happened to be in the neighborhood?" I asked Ranger. I walked toward him with a slight limp. I had a feeling our run in was made possible by a tracker he'd installed in my car (without my permission).

"I stopped by Vinny's," Ranger told me. "He wanted me to find this guy."

"You mean, help me find this guy. Right?" I asked.

"No," Ranger said, making me pout. "He really has no faith in you."

"Super," I replied. "You really think it wise to leave him in the driver's seat?" I asked, attempting to get a jab in if I could. Ranger was far too perfect. He had to be susceptible to human flaw. He just had to be.

"Babe, really?" Ranger asked. He dangled keys in front of my face.

"…Just checking…" I said awkwardly.

"Should we take him in your car or mine?" he asked.

"I came with Lula," I told him.

"Then we'll take my car."

"Sounds good."

"Hey," Lula said coming up behind us. She was carrying a pizza.

"You bought another one?" I asked.

'Hell no, this is Tommy's," Lula replied.

"Did they put the extra onions on it?" we could hear Tommy ask from the car.

"I don't know," Lula said. "I'll tell you later."

Tommy wasn't going to get to eat that pizza. There was no way. Lula went home, and I went with Ranger and Tommy in the truck.

"When are you going to let me borrow this one again?" I asked Ranger about his truck.

"Again?" Ranger asked. "You've never borrowed this one."

"I haven't?" I asked. "I was pretty sure I had."

"You borrowed its father," Ranger corrected. "It exploded a couple months ago."

"Why'd I even ask," I said rolling my eyes. It had been a long time since I had found exploding cars amusing.

"I've got a better question," Ranger asked.

"What?"

"When are you going to let me borrow you again?" Ranger asked.

"For a job?" I asked. I saw his signature grin.

"Not a job, per say. But I'm sure it's right up your alley."

"Not interested," I told him.

"No?" Ranger asked. "I can't imagine you've grown tired of me yet."

"You're a cocky son of a bitch aren't you?" I laughed.

"Are you back with Morelli?" Ranger asked.

"Not interested," I repeated.

"Right, sure," Ranger chuckled.

"We're on a break, my choice."

"These breaks of yours often include rendezvous under the sheets," Ranger commented.

"That happens rarely."

"I think it would take more than two hands to count."

"Jeeze, make out already!" Tommy growled. "The tension in here is ridiculous." We both looked back at him. I chose to not continue any conversation about this. But I knew Ranger wasn't done thinking about it.

"We got Galasnick," I told Vinny when I saw him at the police station.

"Really, and I thought you'd called me down here for a date," Vinny said sarcastically.

"Uh, ew," I commented. "We didn't have to use Facebook, he was at Pino's."

"Facebook?" Vinny asked.

"Mybook," I clarified. He got it then. "I still made an account, but now I guess I can delete it."

"Why?" he asked.

"Well, it's not like I'm going to use it," I explained.

"Of course you are going to use it!" Vinny argued. "It's your ticket to find these guys!"

"Didn't you hear me say I didn't need Facebook to find Tommy?" I asked.

"Luck," Vinny stated. "Keep that account." And then he left.

"Ass," I stated.

"Yes, you have a nice one," someone said from behind me. It was Morelli.

"Oh, looky here, another ass," I said. "An ass-face!" I chuckled at my joke. Morelli raised his eyebrow and then shook his head.

"That sounded far more mature in your head than it did out loud didn't it?" he asked.

"Yeah, but whatever," I said. "It's true."

"Well, I'd like to go back to talking about your ass," he said. He got close to me and rested his hand on my lower back, with his fingers hovering over my butt. "I'd like to get up close and personal with it tonight. You free?"

I would have argued with him about how a break is a break. But we never got anywhere with those fights. We either just stormed off angry, or we ended up sleeping together. That was the way things worked with us. I chose a middle ground.

"I've got dinner with the folks tonight, and then I'm going to learn more about Facebook."

"Face what?" he asked. I explained to him Vinny's new idea. "That sounds stupid."

"He wants me to give it a shot, so I will."

"Half my buddies are addicted to that thing," Morelli told me. "The only good thing about it is that they now cheat on their wives less."

"Facebook can do that?" I asked.

"Apparently the games are addicting."

"Who would've thought?" I remarked. We left each other then. I headed for my parents' house; suddenly wishing I'd taken him up on his offer.

"You're late!" my mother scolded me when she met me on her porch.

"I told you not to wait for me," I reminded her.

'That would be rude," she told me. "How can I teach you anything if I act like a hypocrite?"

"I don't know," I said, pretending I had no answer for her.

"Well, come in," she told me. "There's someone I'd like you to meet." I came inside and saw the usual crowd, with one exception. Sitting next to Kloughn, was a man. He was easy on the eyes. But his appeal was slightly obstructed by glasses.

"Stephanie, this is Adam," my mother introduced us. "He just moved here."

It was a set up. My mother was once again trying to find me a match. She had been the most insistent about me finding someone. I knew she hadn't given up about me marrying Morelli, but she still had back ups.

I sat down to dinner, and the usual pattern that these dinners had unfolded. The girls were hyper, the baby fussy. My sister managed to look pitiful and resilient at the same time. And Kloughn was having difficulties developing conversations. My father sat at the end of the table, just concerned with his dinner. I always admired that about him. And my mother looked like she was talking to God, begging him to have this dinner not go to hell. And I just tried to be cool. Someone had to be.

"I'm a journalist," Adam told me.

"Oh, yes," my mother said, jumping in. I knew she'd planned to advertise him like Vanna White. "He works for the Trenton Times."

"What do you write?" I asked. I was being nice; I knew my mother would kill me if I didn't act polite.

"Sports," Adam replied.

"Isn't that interesting, Stephanie?" my mother asked.

"You bet," I replied. My mother gave me an exasperated look. She then gave an apologetic look to Adam. Clearly I was being rude. Adam just chuckled. Unlike the other set ups my mother had attempted, Adam didn't seem like a loser. He probably had the potential to be a real winner. He was the kind of guy who didn't need a set up; he could find his own date. But he was doomed. My mom had landed.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Why don't you two go out for a coffee?" my mother suggested after dinner was over. She gave me an encouraging look. "Perhaps go out for donuts?" She was trying to tempt me.

"Donuts? Where?" Grandma Mazur said, bounding into the room as fast as her old legs would allow. "I just got back from the Blackberg funeral. Fudge brownies and an open casket, woo hoo!"

"Adam, this is my mother, Edna," my mother told him, she was blushing from embarrassment. You'd think after being raised by Grandma Mazur, my mother would be a lot like her. Apparently not. My mother was embarrassed by all of us.

"Hiya!" Grandma said. "Are you Stephanie's date?"

"Uh," Adam said awkwardly. "I don't think so." Grandma found that answer acceptable, and went on to talking about the funeral. My mother looked saddened by Adam's response. I used the distraction to slip out the door. I got outside and rushed to my car. I couldn't risk being noticed. I got in my car and turned on the ignition, but I heard a knock on my window. I turned, fearing my mom had caught me. But it was Adam.

"Hey," he said. He wasn't trying to be sexy like Morelli and Ranger would. But he did look desperate, similar to my other date set-ups. "I need a beer, how about you?"

"You want to get a drink with me?" I asked.

"Did we not sit through the same dinner?" he asked. "Yes!"

"Well, I don't know if I want to."

"Well, how about a ride to a bar?"

"Fine," I gave in. "Hop in." He got in the passenger seat and we headed out.

"Interesting car," Adam commented. He flicked the wrench I was using as a window opener.

"Yeah I know, it's a piece of trash," I agreed.

"No, I like it," he said. "Reminds me of my old car."

"You have a better one now?"

"I don't have one at all," he told me.

"Did it explode?" I asked.

"No, just died," he answered. "That would have been cool though."

"…No it wouldn't have," I mumbled.

We found an Irish pub. I at the last second decided I did want to get a drink. I was a bit more used to the dinners at the Plum house than he was, but I still shared the sentiment.

"How old are you?" I asked him when we were inside. The bartender had carded him.

"27," he told me. "But I guess I look younger." 27? Gack! I'm older. "How old are you?" he asked me back. "Your mom didn't say." I wonder why.

"Around your age," I replied.

"Okay, and what's that?"

"…Around." He silently laughed at me and I scowled. "I'm not old enough to have babysat you. How's that?"

"My older sister is 30, and when she was 13 she babysat 10 year old me."

"Can we get off the subject of babies?"

"…We weren't talking about babies…"

"Barkeep!" I called out. I downed my drink in seconds. He gave me another one.

"So," Adam said. "Anyway, how many of these have you been on?"

"What, drinking binges?" I asked.

"No, set ups."

"Not too many," I said. "It's only when I'm single that she does it."

"Yeah, I heard that from your parents' neighbors. What's the guy's name? Mozzerelli?"

"Morelli," I corrected.

"Never met him," Adam said.

"He's a cop, you will."

"You aren't seeing him, Morelli?"

"Not right now."

"But you will?"

"Barkeep!"

"Is this the way you avoid things?" Adam asked.

"Only when I'm in a bar," I told him.

"Well, you're driving," he said. "Maybe you should cool it. And, I'll stop talking about things that make you uncomfortable."

"Sounds good," I said. I waved away the other drink. I didn't need it now. "So, what made you move to Trenton?"

"I thought New Jersey would be fun," he said.

"And what do you think so far?" I asked.

"Well, aside from this bar, the only other event I'm been to is work, and your parents' house."

"Yeah, how on earth did you get mixed up with them?"

"I got a ride in your Dad's cab yesterday."

"I see," I said, not really seeing it. "Did my Dad plan this set up?"

"Your Mom was riding in the front seat. I had to listen to her vent to your father how much it was hurting her seeing you unwed. She eventually dragged me into the conversation."

"The hell?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said laughing. "She asked me, 'Would you like your daughter frittering around with two bad boys? I cop and a thug!'" His imitation of her voice was downright spot on.

"What could you possibly have done or said to make her invite you to dinner?"

"I gave her advice."

"Do tell?"

"Well, first I said she should leave it up to you to find the right guy," Adam said. "She didn't like that answer."

"Of course she didn't, she's my mother."

"I then bullshitted her and said that her set ups probably weren't the right guys for you."

"That's not exactly bullshit," I commented. "It's true."

"Let me finish," he reasoned. "I said that you probably needed a guy who was exciting, like the cop and the 'thug.' He needs to have an interesting job, and not be boring."

"You're getting warm," I said. "But then how'd you get rooked into this?"

"Ouch," he said, but then he continued. "She asked me what job I had. I told her, and she deemed it, 'interesting.' So, that's how I got invited to dinner."

"And you accepted?" I judged.

"Hey," he said. "Free food!" We both laughed, we both understood the awesomeness of free food.

"This is going to sound forward," Adam said after we were tired of the bar. "But do you want to come back to my place?"

"Uh, I don't know," I said. "I don't really know you."

"I don't mean to fuck, just to hang out."

"Hang out? What, are we in middle school?"

"I would ask you if you only go to men's houses to sleep with them, but I know you'd just call the bartender over here."

"No I wouldn't," I told him.

"You would too."

"Would not."

"Would to…"

"Okay! Now we really are in middle school," I joked.

"If you could at least give me a ride home, I'd appreciate it," Adam said.

"Hope you get your own car fast," I said. "I'm not going to do this forever."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Adam said. And then he led me out.

"Where we headed? I asked.

"I don't know the street names very well, I'll have to give you block by block instructions." He said.

"Got it," I replied. Adam directed me down the street, around the corner, and then down the street behind the bar. He had me park in front of a gross looking pizzeria. A pizzeria, that was directly behind the bar.

"My apartment's up there," Adam said. I could see his emotionless face turn into a laugh.

"Hilarious," I said. I got out and headed toward the steps. I waited for him to swagger over. I knew he was feeling victorious. He typed in his security code, and we went up.

I ended up staying the night. And no, it's not what you think. I was tired from the booze, and didn't feel like driving. I slept on his futon.

"Wake up Lady Snores-a-lot!" Adam called out to me. I got up feeling disheveled. "It's 7," he said. "Figured you'd need to get to work."

"7?" I asked irritated. "Who gets up at 7?"

"People who work 9 to 5," he said.

"Who does that?" I scoffed.

"I do, and I want to lock up," Adam said. "And, I'd love a ride to work."

"Unbelievable."

"I could call your Dad for a ride." Adam suggested. "I'm sure he'd like to see you here at 7 in the morning."

"Ugh, I'll give you a ride," I gave in.

"Figured that would work," he said, feeling victorious again. "You might be 30, but you are about as brave as a child who did a no-no."

"Ha ha," I commented.

We left a half an hour later. I insisted that he give me breakfast. When we headed toward my car, I saw a squad car on the corner. Even though most cop cars look the same, that one looked familiar. When I drove past it, I saw Eddie Gazzara sitting inside eating a donut. Our eyes locked on each other. I waved awkwardly, and he laughed with his mouth full of powdered dough. He was going to tell Morelli, I knew he would.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I went home to shower, and then I headed to work. It was about a half an hour sooner than I usually went in, but I was up. I got there and realized it wasn't even open yet. I waited around outside. I was about to go get a donut, when Connie arrived.

"What are you doing here so early?" she asked.

"I would have been here in 20 minutes anyway," I defended myself. I waited for her to unlock the door and then I followed her in. "The guy my mom set me up with had to go to work early."

"I just heard two conflicting things," Connie said, putting her purse down and raising her eyebrow. "'The guy my mom set me up with,' and 'he woke me up.' What was he doing with you the next morning?"

"It's not like it sounds," I told her. "I was a little tipsy when we left the bar and I wasn't in the mood to drive."

"Did you actually go on a date with this guy?" she asked. "All the guys your mom likes are goofs."

"It wasn't a date," I said. "He just asked me out for a drink afterwards."

"Uh," Connie said raising both her eyebrows.

"It wasn't a date!" I tried to convince her. "He felt he needed a drink after spending 2 hours with my family. I just gave him a ride…and then happened to want a drink too."

"I'm not going to argue with you about this," Connie said, walking around to her desk. "How was he?"

"I didn't sleep with him."

"I meant, what kind of guy he is," she clarified.

"He's cool, I guess," I replied. "He's definitely a notch higher than the guys she usually finds. Possibly 2."

"You like him?"

"I wasn't looking at him like that."

"You took his offer to get a drink, you trusted him to sleep over at his house. Sounds like there's something there."

"I know all arrows point to me liking him, but I honestly don't know," I told her. I really didn't know. Most of our time together consisted of sibling-like camaraderie and me being weird at the bar.

"You going to see him again?" she asked.

"I have no idea," I said. "I don't have his number."

"Who's number?" Vinny and Lula both asked. They came in at the same time. Lula was her usual self, with the addition of fire engine red hair. Vinny was basically his usual rat faced self, but he looked like a drowned rat.

"A guy Stephanie spent the night with," Connie told him.

"Spent the night?" Lula asked surprised.

"You couldn't put that level of energy into finding an FTA's number?" Vinny asked.

"It's not what you think," I told Lula. "And back off," I told Vinny.

"What's his name?" Lula asked.

"I was wondering that too," Connie said.

"Adam," I replied. "He's a sports writer for the Trenton Times."

"Adam Litchfield?" Vinny asked.

"You know his full name?" I asked.

"I read the sports section," Vinny told me.

"You read?" Lula asked in disbelief.

"You slept with Adam Litchfield, isn't he a little young?" Vinny asked.

"I slept on his couch," I told the room. "And he's not too young. Just, younger."

"Isn't he like, fresh out of college?" Vinny asked. "He looks barely legal in his column photo." I saw that he had a copy of the Trenton Times in his hand.

"He's 27," I told Vinny.

"And you're…" Vinny was about to say.

"You look like a drowned rat!" I spat at him.

"My neighbor's sprinkler turned on me," he said.

"I think Stephanie wants you to drop it," Lula said.

"Why?" Vinny asked.

"Why does it matter?" I asked.

"I think Steph is getting sensitive about her age," Lula said behind her hand at Vinny.

"Am not," I argued.

"You've been really testy about it lately," Connie said.

"And you lied about your age on Facebook," Lula said.

"It…was a joke!" I said, starting to feel like I needed to defend myself.

"What age did you put?" Vinny asked.

"24," Lula said.

"HA!" Vinny burst out.

"Can I not be the center of attention right now?" I asked, annoyed.

"I don't get how we got on the subject of you anyway," Vinny said.

"She's going through a midlife crisis," Connie explained. "And it is amusing us."

"Mid life?" I was offended. "I'm only…29."

"HA!" Vinny repeated.

"Go back in your hole!" I growled at him. And like a rat, he fled.

"Whoa…" Lula commented. "You woke up on the wrong side of your boy toy's couch this morning."

"Please let something big fall on my head," I said to the ceiling.

"Here's something to get your mind off of it," Connie said. And she threw a bunch of folders onto her desk. "FTA's. Get to work."

I grabbed the folders, and Lula and I headed out. We decided to take separate cars. Lula avoided sharing a car with me if she could help it, considering my track record. When I got to my crappy old Sprint, Morelli was leaning on it.

"Have an interesting night?" he asked. Shit.

"A night with my parents," I said. "It was a blast."

"Really, did they spend the night in an apartment above a pizzeria?" he asked.

"Gazzara got to you huh?" I stated more than asked.

"He seemed really confident when he came up to me," Morelli said. "But the further he got into his story, he started to falter."

"His sugar high war off," I said.

"So, did you enjoy yourself?" Morelli asked.

"I just slept on his couch," I said.

"Your bed at home not doing it for you anymore?"

"Ugh," I said. "I don't have to explain myself."

"Humph,"

"We are on a break, Joe. I don't owe you anything."

"I never said this was about me."

"Then why are you interrogating me?"

"Last serious talk you and I had," he told me. "Was about the b-word."

"Bitch?" I asked.

"No,"

"Bastard?"

"Cut the crap."

"I honestly don't know what B-word you're talking about."

"Yes you do."

"Do not."

"Do too!"

"What grade are we in?"

"Steph," he said. "I'm trying to be serious here."

"All I did," I said. "Was sleep on his couch because I didn't feel like driving home after we drank at a bar. I met him at my parents' house. It was a set up by my mom. He's not a total weirdo like her previous attempts, so I hung out with him for a bit. Is that enough info for you?"

"I moved on from that," Morelli told me. "I'm talking about how the last fight you and I got into, was about babies."

"I was hormonal that day," I said. "I can't be held accountable for what I may or may not have said."

"Cupcake, we are past the point where we avoid talking about our issues. You were seriously asking me about our future. You're worried about running out of time."

"I'm not dying or anything," I said, looking away.

"A part of you is," Morelli said. I heard a honk from down the street. Lula was raring to go.

"I've got people to find," I said. I walked around to the driver's side, and fought with the door.

"Steph," Morelli said.

"We'll talk later," I told him. And I drove off.

I could see Lula's Firebird behind me. I got a call on my cell from her.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Of course I'm okay," I said.

"You were 30 feet away from me and you made my mirrors fog up. What happened with you and Morelli? Want me to kick his ass?"

"Let's focus on kicking someone else's," I told her. And then I hung up.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I couldn't get Morelli out of my head until later in the day. The reason I was in such a funk was because Morelli had brought up our last fight. This fight was different than the others. Mostly because it didn't need to be a fight. It was true; I had been hormonal that day. And because I'd been like that, I hadn't been able to realize that I was arguing with him for no reason.

The argument had been about babies. Specifically, I wanted one. I couldn't see myself finally getting married to Morelli, but I knew I wanted a child. The fact that I didn't want to make the big M word commitment to Joe probably means he isn't the guy who should father my children. But he was available. Wow, I'm terrible.

I had never been the maternal sort. And there was a chance that I only wanted one because I feared I was running out of time. If I hadn't been crying through most of it, I probably could have listened to Morelli in a more rational way. He wanted a kid too, but he felt marriage should come before it. He'd also been the one to tell me that I might be acting immaturely or desperate. I had run off (or rather driven off) before I had a chance to calm down. Basically, I felt silly for running, and couldn't admit I'd been silly. Morelli was trying to help me to come back, but I was fighting it. For no reason other than the fact that I am a silly emotional woman. At least I am these days.

Lula and I went to the addresses of the FTA's, and their local hangouts. We didn't find them. That's when we finally decided to try Facebook. We went back to my apartment, and figured we'd just lounge around in my living room and look people up. When I got onto my account, there was a red word bubble type thing hovering over some icon.

"I've got a friend request?" I said, shocked. "You don't think it's one of our FTA's do you?"

"I doubt it," Lula said. I clicked on it, and Albert Kloughn's face appeared. It was a photo of him and Lisa. It looked like their background was his office. It was a webcam photo.

"Your brother-in-law has a Facebook?" Lula said astounded.

"It actually isn't that shocking if you think about it." I said. "He has a lot of free time at work when he's not giving people quarters for the washing machines." I looked further, and there was a short message.

I'm not sure if this is the right Stephanie Plum, but I thought I'd check. You know me?

-Albert

"How many Stephanie Plum's do you think he's friended?" Lula questioned.

"Is there more than one?"

"Hey, you never know."

"How'd he know I was on here?" I asked myself aloud.

"I bet he looks for you daily," Lula laughed. "Or on the hour. Look how many friends he has." I looked, he had two. My sister and my oldest neice.

"Angie has a Facebook," I stated. "That's sort of weird."

"I bet they are going to try to add you too," Lula said.

"Well, I'm not going to add them," I said.

"Really?" Lula said. "Why not?"

"I'm not taking this thing seriously," I said. "I'm just using it for work."

"So are you going to say no to Kloughn?"

"No," I said. "I'll add him. Just to be nice. It will probably make his day to have one more Facebook friend."

"That's very nice of you," Lula commented. I added him and then got out the FTA folders. I was about to type in Madga Mirren's name when some window popped up. Kloughn's name was at the top of it.

"HI!" it said.

"What the?" I said. Both Lula and I jumped. The window had made a popping sound. "He's online?"

"You're shocked?" Lula asked. "Just ignore him." I planned to do so. But then another message popped up.

"You there?" he asked. A few seconds went by. "Hello?" another message popped up.

"He's really desperate," Lula said.

"Is this the wrong Stephanie Plum?" he asked. "Just tell me and I won't bother you again."

"You better let him know it's you," Lula said. "He's going to have a panic attack."

"Okay, okay," I said. So I typed, "Yep, it's me. But I'm busy right now."

"Busy with what?" he asked.

"Working," I replied.

"Well you should probably log off then," he said. "This thing is a distraction."

"I'm using it for work," I typed fast. I figured I should just ignore his messages after this one.

"You can do that?" he asked.

"Goodbye, Albert," I said.

"Click on that tab that has the number and the green light," Lula said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just do it," she told me. I did, and I saw Albert's name again, and an option button. "Click that other button," she said. I did, and it asked if I wanted to be offline. "Click that." And I did. "There, now we can work."

"Do I need to be online to talk to the FTA's?" I asked.

"Do you really want to keep talking to Kloughn?" Lula asked.

"No," I said.

"Then take my advice and be offline."

"Okay then." I went back to typing in Magda's name. No responses came up.

"She's 62," Lula said. "She probably doesn't even own a computer."

"Grandma Mazur is in her 70's, and she's online all the time," I said.

"Your grandma is a 10 year old in an old lady's body," Lula commented. "Go on to that Buddy guy."

"Alright," I said. And then I typed in Buddy Mayes name. "You know," I said while we were waiting for it to load. "For someone who has no time for this stuff, you've been awfully knowledgeable about Facebook,"

"I'm not an idiot," Lula said. "I took classes at the community college, I knew people who used this site."

"And they just happened to tell you how everything works?" I asked.

"Just because I said I had no time for Facebook," Lula said. "Doesn't mean I don't have one."

"What!" I said in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me? We could have used your existing account!"

"I don't want mine filled with those FTA idiots!" Lula argued. "Besides, my account is meant to be a secret from everyone. I use an alias."

"Ok, whatever, never mind," I told her. I looked back at the screen and it had finally loaded. "Okay, there are 4 options. Show me his photo from his folder." She handed it to me, and I compared him to the Facebook photos. "I think he's…the third."

"Click on it," Lula said. I went to his page, and found the friend request button. I clicked it, and it asked me if I wanted to leave a message. "Leave something cute," Lula said. "Like, 'Hey, add me!'"

"Oh yeah, that's just darling," I said sarcastically. I took her advice and sent it. "How long do you think we'll have to wait?"

"Depends how long it takes him to get online," Lula said. "He might be picky about who he adds just so you know. He might say no."

"Well that will make it a lot harder," I said.

"Maybe you should have left a sexy message," Lula suggested.

"Ew, that'd be gross," I said.

"Well, it's worth a shot." Lula said.

"I'll try that on the next guy," I said. But we both knew I wouldn't. We typed in the two remaining names. The next one was a little harder. There had been a lot of hits. But the second only had one. After we did that, I went back to my homepage. No one had said yes so far.

"Check Buddy's page," Lula said.

"He hasn't gotten online yet," I said.

"Check it," she repeated. "Trust me." I did, and everything was the same, except for one thing. The friend request button was live again.

"Wait a minute…" I got confused.

"He said no," Lula told me.

"He did?"

"Yeah."

"Should I try again?" I asked.

"If you want to make an idiot out of yourself," Lula said. "Sure." I didn't want to make a fool out of myself. But I did want to find this guy. I clicked it again, and it asked again if I wanted to send him a message. "Let me type it this time," Lula said. She reached over me and began typing. Her red hair was in my face, so I couldn't see the screen. She started to get out of my way just as she was about to click send. The message said,

Hey sexy, why didn't you add me? Your hot!

-Stephanie

"Lula!" I said embarrassed. "What's he going to think now?"

"That he should add you," Lula said.

"Jeeze," I groaned. "And you put the wrong version of your."

"I did?"

"Yeah, it's your with an apostrophe r-e."

"Like he's going to care about the spelling," Lula scoffed. "Let's go get lunch." We ordered Chinese food for a change, and then left immediately to go pick it up. When we got back to my apartment, Lula reminded me to check Facebook. Buddy hadn't added me, but it seemed I had a Facebook email.

"I hope that's not him getting annoyed," Lula said. "It sucks being yelled at, even online." I opened the message and saw it was short.

Thanks lady, but I don't know who you are or what you look like. Try adding a photo.

-Buddy.

"I need a photo," I said. I didn't have any photos on my computer, and I didn't know how to add any. I looked at my homepage. Now that Kloughn had added me, my 'newsfeed' had things in it. One of which was a photo album, with the title, 'Wedding.' I clicked on it, and photos that my mom had taken from my sister's wedding came up. I scanned them, and found one of me. I was smiling with a closed mouth full of cake.

"You look ridiculous," Lula said.

"Can I make one of these my photo?" I asked.

"Yeah, but that one? Really?" Lula asked.

"It's the only one of me in the album."

"Okay, but I doubt he'll find it sexy." She said. She took over the computer again. When she moved out of the way, I had a profile photo. A big close up of my face with cake filled cheeks.

"Nice," I said sarcastically. I friended Buddy again. This time my message was, "There, how's that?"

"This will not go well," Lula mumbled. A few minutes later, I got another message from Buddy.

Yeah, you're not my type, fatty!

-Buddy

"Okay," I said to Lula, offended. "No more bullshitting." I typed back and said,

Bond enforcement, you missed your court date.

-Stephanie

And then, Buddy added me.

"Whoa!" Lula commented. "I wasn't expecting that." I put myself online again and immediately a chat box popped up with Buddy's name on it.

"I just added you so I could tell you to buzz off!" Buddy said.

"I'm a bond enforcement officer for Vincent Plum," I typed back. "You missed your court date."

"For good reason," Buddy said. "I did nothing wrong."

"You were a part of a group robbing a bank," I told him.

"I was just driving them there," Buddy said. "They claimed we were heading to see a movie and they needed money for tickets. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"You still have to show up to court," I said. "There you can clear this all up."

"Really?" he asked.

No.

"Yes," I said.

"Okay," he typed back after half a minute. "What do I have to do?"

"Let us pick you up and take you in."

"Can't I meet you there?" he asked. "I don't want my neighbors to see me taken away."

"Sure," I said. "If you show up."

"I will," he said. "See you there." And he logged off.

"Let's go," I said to Lula. And we left.

We got to the police station and waited for Buddy.

"We are idiots," Lula finally said. She'd been oddly quiet the whole ride there.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You really think he's going to show up?" she asked. And that's when it hit me. I had been so glad that he had stopped fighting me, that what Lula was insinuating hadn't occurred to me. He had been lying.

"Dick!" I screeched.

"You or him?" Lula asked. I headed back toward Lula's car, and had her follow me.

"I knew Vinny's idea wouldn't work!" I said as we drove off.

"Hey, this could have happened to anyone," Lula said trying to cheer me up. "Let's go by his house again and see if he's home. If he was on a computer, it might have been his home one." We drove to his house, and parked down the street. Our plan was to creep up on him.

We sneaked over to his house and I got ready to knock on his door.

"Wait," Lula said. "Let's peak in his window first." We trampled through the patch of flowers and weeds near his window. Part of his curtain was open. I peaked through the opening in the space above Lula's head. Someone was sitting at a desk. We could only see the back of his head, but it looked enough like Buddy for us.

"Let's kick his door down," Lula said. "He deserves it." I sped out of his flowerbed, ran up his steps and then prepared myself to attack his door. I sized up the situation. I was about to attempt to kick it down, when the lock exploded. Lula had shot it. Not allowing myself to take a moment to get over the shock, I barged in.

"Holy shit!" Buddy said. He had backed up against the wall near his desk.

"Buddy Mayes," I said. "You're coming with me." I ran at him, and he covered his face with his hands. Which was convenient for me because I was able to cuff him.

"We better go," Lula said. "I hear a siren." We headed out just as a cop car came to the door. The cop rushed out of his car, but stopped on the sidewalk when he got a good look at us.

"Oh," he said. "You guys."

"Yep," I said.

"Someone else shot his door," Lula lied. "Not us."

"I don't believe that," the cop said. "But I'll pretend. You want me to transport him?"

"That'd be lovely," I said, and I handed Buddy off to the cop.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

I got home feeling a lot better. Generally I am against kicking doors down, especially shooting them down. But I had been really mad. I would have scolded Lula later, but her perfect aim had surprised me. With her shooting abilities she was more likely to hit me than to hit a small lock. I was a much more sizable target.

I had caught two out of five FTA's that I was looking for. I knew Vinny wouldn't be grateful, but I knew I'd done a good job in the last few days. I got a beer and went back to my living room. Without even thinking I opened Facebook up. Was I getting used to this? When I looked at my page I had an email. It was from Buddy. It had been sent only a few minutes after we'd stopped chatting with him on here.

Just kidding! Ha ha! Fatty!

-Buddy

I looked at my main page, and I was back to having one friend again. For some reason I looked up Buddy's page again. I was still able to see all his information. Including a status that said, "Bounty Hunters are idiots! Bahaha! I'm awesome!" I blew a raspberry at the screen.

I was about to log off, when I got another red bubble notification. It was a friend request. I figured my sister or niece had finally figured out I was on here. But when I clicked on it, I saw it was Adam Litchfield. He had sent a message too, it had a phone number, and the message said.

Here's my number, I'd like to get together again.

-Adam

I added him, and then I got access to his page. I decided to mess around with Facebook further, and write on his wall.

Sure, sounds good. I'll call you.

-Stephanie

I was in a pretty good mood now. I figured what the hell, I'll add my sister and niece. I sent them both friend requests. I logged out after that. There was still time left in the day to find some more people, but I wanted a break. I turned on the TV, and searched for a game.

I channel surfed for about an hour. I ended up getting a call on my cell. I turned the TV off and fished my phone out of my purse. It was Adam's number. I didn't remember ever giving him mine.

"Hello?" I said.

"Have you been on Facebook again since posting on my wall?" he asked.

"No," I replied.

"You might want to," he told me. I pulled my laptop over to me and logged on. I saw that I had notifications. They said that people had commented on my wall post. I clicked on it and face-palmed. Some of Adam's buddies had taken it upon themselves to put moronic comments about Adam's "new girlfriend," my adorable chipmunk cheeks, and how I made them think of Adam's mother.

"Well, they certainly are charming," I finally said.

"I think they got it out of their system though," Adam tried to cheer me up. But then, the status comments updated, and there was one more comment.

"Smoochie smoochie old lady coochie!" the person commented.

"Can I kill your friends?" I asked Adam. Adam didn't reply on the phone. But the comments updated again, now with a comment from him telling his friends to knock it off.

"Better?" he asked me out loud.

"Cute, thanks," I said.

"You're knew to Facebook then?" Adam asked me. "I'm assuming, since you only have 2 friends. Oh, and wait it says on your page that you just joined."

"Really? Where?"

"You seriously need to see it?"

"How'd you get my number?" I changed the subject.

"Your mom," Adam replied. "She called me and I told her you and I hit it off."

"Why would you tell her that?" I asked.

"Uh," he said, confused. "Because it's true?"

"Oh," I replied.

"Look, despite that this is what your mother was trying to achieve, I like you because of you personally. Your mom has no sway in this at all."

"Good," I said. "I'm glad."

"Anyway," Adam said. "I was wondering if you'd like to go on a real date?"

"A date?" I asked.

"I believe that's what I just said," Adam reminded me.

"But we hardly know each other," I argued.

"I believe that's what dates are for," Adam chuckled.

"We only hung out once, and it was at a bar."

"I was thinking we'd go to a real restaurant. Maybe see a movie?"

I had to think about that for a moment. Did I really want to go on a date with him? I knew a date would be the best way to help me figure this out, but I had a lot of indecision.

"You still there?" Adam asked.

"…I want to think about it," I finally said. I cleared my throat and then tried to shake my head out of this confusion. "I'll call you back."

"You can just message me on Facebook," Adam said. "I'm technically still supposed to be working right now."

"Okay, I'll message you," I told him.

"Good," he responded. I could tell he was smiling. "Talk to you later."

"TTYL!" I called out. I heard him laugh at my attempt to be cool. I hung up quickly, I felt like an idiot.

I slouched into the couch, trying to figure out how I felt about a date. I already knew that I wasn't sure if I even liked him. But when I thought about it, I realized that if I didn't give him a shot, then I was an idiot. When it came to men, in the past few years I'd only considered Joe or Ranger. And I had yet to have any deep commitment to either of them. Maybe it was time to add a new guy to the mix. Maybe it was time to just be involved with one man. I decided I was going to do it. I was going to accept the date.

I went back to my Facebook, I saw that someone was online. I clicked on the tab, and saw it was Adam. I opened his chat box, and started messaging him.

"I'm in," I told him.

"Sweet," he replied. "How's tomorrow night sound?"

"Pretty good to me," I replied. But I wished he had said tonight. If I was left with too much time to think deeper about this, I might change my mind.

"Okay," he said. The popping sound made me jump again. "I'll pick you up tomorrow at 6."

"Okay," I mimicked him. But then I got confused. "Wait, you'll pick me up?" I was about to type that he didn't have a car, when the chat box said Adam was no longer available for chat. He had logged off.

"Well that was rude," I heard someone say from behind me. I nearly jumped out of my skin. I turned around, and saw it was Ranger.

"How long have you been there?" I squeaked. I was clutching my heart.

"Long enough to see you accept a date," Ranger replied. I looked at Ranger's position from the doorway.

"How could you possibly have read the chat box from there?" I asked. I myself had had to squint somewhat.

"Good eyes," Ranger replied. He'd had one of his hands behind his back. When he walked over to sit on the couch, I saw he had a beer in his hand.

"My ears are good enough to have heard the fridge open," I said, more to reassure myself than to state it to him.

"Not when you're distracted," Ranger told me. He had sat down, and was focusing on me. "Who is he?" Ranger asked.

"Just a guy," I replied. And before I knew what was going on, Ranger had picked up my laptop and put it on his lap. I leaned over and saw him accessing Adam's account. "Hey!" I tried to get the laptop back.

"A Miami grad," Ranger read aloud. "He enjoys playing golf. And he's 27." Ranger looked away from the screen and back at me. "Babe…"

He didn't fight me when I took my computer away. I logged out and closed it. I took his beer and tried to chug it. I so did not want to talk about this with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Stephanie's goin' on a date! Steph's goin' on a date!" Lula and Connie sang annoyingly. I had my arms folded and was refusing to look at them. Vinny's office door was open slightly and I could see him banging his head on his desk. I shared the desire.

"Would you shut the fuck up, please?" I asked in an aggravated tone.

"'shut the fuck up, please?'" Lula quoted. "Who combines a swear word with a polite one?"

"This chick," I answered, gesturing to myself with my thumb. "Are there any new FTA's?"

"What's wrong with the 3 you haven't found yet?" Vinny called from his office.

"I've hit a dead end with them," I called back. "I want other people."

"Have you quit using Facebook?" Connie asked.

"No," I replied. "Magda doesn't have one. I think I friended the wrong Jane Smith. And Russell Bitterman rejected my request."

"Have you tried their homes again since you tried them on Facebook?" Vinny asked, coming out of his cave.

"Well," I said sheepishly. "No."

"And why not?" Vinny asked, putting his hands on his hips.

"…Because I don't want to?" I honestly answered, backing up and wincing."

"Do I need to drag Ranger into this again?" Vinny asked. I knew he wouldn't take kindly to me giving up on the other available FTA's.

"I'd prefer you didn't," I replied. After our visit last night that consisted of Ranger laughing at me, I didn't want to give him more reasons to do the same.

"If you don't find them soon, I will," Vinny threatened.

"How about if I find at least one of them in the next 24 hours," I bargained. "You'll cut me a break, huh?"

"Find them all," Vinny counter offered. "And I'll cut you a break."

"I'd take him up on that if I were you," Lula joked.

"Let's try Jane," I said, taking that folder only. "She was a one time offender. According to the cop who arrested her, what she did was completely out of character for her. She's not dangerous."

"Sounds good to me," Lula agreed.

Jane Smith, whose name is so common that we really had had no chance of finding her through Facebook, was a good woman. Goes to church every Sunday, is on the PTA, a girl scout Mom, and is a Saint. The out of character crime she had committed was soliciting a male prostitute. When she was arrested she claimed that she had been trying to save him. And for all we knew, she had been. But, then she'd been persuaded by him to do otherwise.

Jane lived in the Burg, but wasn't in my mother's circle. They went to the same church, but when I asked my mother about Jane, she only knew things second hand. Lula and I headed up Jane's yard. It was covered in kid's tricycles and other toys. Her file said she was a mother of 3, married to Hank Smith. And according to the cop I'd talked to, Hank didn't know of his wife's crime. When we knocked, Jane answered with a toddler on her hip. As soon as she recognized us, she yelped, closed her door, and we heard it lock.

"We want to help you, Jane," I called out. She didn't answer me. "We can leave your husband out of this if you work with us." The door opened again with Jane toddler-less.

"How can we possibly leave him out of it," she asked us, fighting back tears. "I could be sentenced to jail time!"

"Sometimes it's only a fine," Lula said. Lula used to be a prostitute, she knew a lot about this.

"Hank would question me if any large sum of money left our account," Jane said.

"Maybe your friends could help you out?" I asked.

"If they knew why I needed the money, they would refuse," Jane told us. "And they'd tell Hank!"

"I'm sorry for what this is putting you through," I honestly told her. "But missing your court date won't make this go away."

"I'm aware of that," Jane said. "If I'm right about my condition, this all won't be a secret for much longer."

"You're not saying?" Lula questioned her. It took me a moment to figure out where this was going.

"My period is late," Jane said. "My husband and I haven't slept together since before I had my last child." She started to tear up. "The man I sinned with is the father!"

"Shit," Lula said looking away. Jane's eyes widened at Lula's language use. "She's fucked!" Lula hissed at me as I tried to shush her.

"Jane," I said, not knowing what to do. "There is nothing I can say or think of to make this work. But it's my job to get you to reschedule your court date."

"I'd rather die!" Jane cried. And then she slammed her door on us.

"You don't think she'll?" Lula asked nervously. We gave each other panicked looks, and then we both started banging on her door calling her name.

"We have to do something!" I told Lula. "Her kids are in there!"

"What can we do?" Lula asked.

"What's going on here?" I heard someone call out. It was Jane's neighbor from across the street.

"Nothing to worry about!" I called out. The neighbor went back inside, but I knew she was probably headed toward her phone. The Burg gossip hotline was about to take a hit.

"Okay…" I tried to take point. "For all we know, she could just be crying and ignoring her kids."

"Sure," Lula said, starting to breath heavily. "I can believe that. I want to believe that."

"But," I continued. "It could be something far worse."

"I definitely believe that," Lula said. "Should I shoot her lock out?"

"We aren't equipped to deal with this," I told her. "We need to call someone who is."

"The police?" Lula asked. "You really want to bring them into this? What if she's not doing anything?"

"There's no way to help Jane without seriously damaging her reputation and marriage," I said. "It's more important to save her life." Lula and I locked eyes and couldn't move. When we heard a car pull into the Smith's drive, we finally looked away from each other. Hank was home.

"Who are you?" Hank Smith asked. Our eyes were now locked on his. "Wait," he said. "I know who you two are." He looked toward his house that we were standing in front of. "What could you two possibly be doing here? What has my wife done?"

"I think that's something that she should tell you," Lula told him. "…If she's not hanging from her neck in your shower."

Hank sped toward us and we jumped out of the way. He unlocked his door and dashed into the house. We followed him in, and the what happened next, is better left untold.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Jane Smith hadn't attempted suicide. She'd just run to her room to cry, and got locked in. The kids were fine, and her husband reacted in a better way than I expected.

"So, he's not going to abandon her?" Lula asked me.

"For now, it seems he's standing by her," I replied.

"That's amazing," Connie commented. After we'd helped Hank to calm Jane down, they'd both gone with us to get her re-bonded. Hank didn't like what Jane had done and that she'd lied to him, but he said he wouldn't abandon her.

"This all makes no sense," Vinny said. Lula and I had gone back to the bond office after everything had been sorted out. "This fine religious woman has a sexy meeting with a male hooker, and is possibly pregnant by him now. Yet, her husband isn't going to leave her? What gives?"

Lula, Connie and I shared looks. Vinny was the last guy we'd ever expect to react like this.

"I don't know Vinny," I said. "How come your wife hasn't left you?"

"We've been separated before," Vinny argued.

"But that ring is still on your finger," Lula said. "Your wife has forgiven you every time. What's to stop Hank from forgiving his wife who screwed up only once, and probably never again?"

"I see your point," Vinny conceded. But then he added that if he were Hank he would have dumped her sorry ass.

"Hypocrite," I called him. I understood perfectly well why Hank and Jane weren't going to break up. It was because their religion doesn't believe in divorce. And despite the fact that she could be carrying someone else's baby, I knew they wouldn't abort it either. Likely, they'd raise the kid together, and probably the kid would have a hard life because his parents would be raising him like he was half Satan worshipper. Or maybe they'd give it up for adoption. That would be better.

"It's 4 pm already, wow," I said.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me," Connie said with a mischievous grin. "Don't you have somewhere to be in 2 hours?"

"Huh?" I asked. But then I remembered it like I'd been slapped in the face. "Oh crap! My date!" And I rushed home to get ready.

As soon as I was home I jumped in the shower. I was extremely nervous during the entire preparation process. It had been a while since I'd been on a date. With Joe it had gotten to the point where dates were routine, I was used to them. But I'd never dated Adam before. I almost felt virginal. Almost.

Barely a few seconds before 6 pm, I was ready. I was showered, primped, and pumped. I sat in my kitchen and waited. At 6:05 I got even more terrified. Adam was late. If it was Joe or Ranger I would have been whatever about it. But this was a new guy. This all made me really nervous.

At 6:13 I heard a knock on my door. I went to open it, already prepared to yell at him for keeping me waiting. But as soon as he and I were face to face, I lost my ability to speak. Adam was dressed in no particular heartbreaking outfit, but his face fit that description. He wasn't wearing his glasses tonight, so I was able to see his face better. His dark blonde hair was tossled accidentally on purpose. And his eyes were blue like the ocean. I wanted to slap myself for making that comparison in my head. But he had me in awe.

"Sorry I'm late," Adam said.

"…It's okay," I finally managed to say. And then I wanted to slap myself again. What was wrong with me?

"Some of my date preparations didn't go according to schedule," he explained, stepping into my apartment. "Nice place, it's a lot better than your car."

"Thanks," I said. After I'd gotten over the shock that was his sex appeal, I was back to being myself. "I put more effort into this place."

"It's nice to be in an apartment that doesn't smell like burnt pizza," Adam complemented me. He turned to look at me and complemented me further. "You look amazing." It took all my energy to not giggle like a schoolgirl. But he made that hardship easier with his next sentence. "I'm glad I got to see you on a good day."

"Flattering," I said in the sarcastic tone that I'd used the most in our relationship so far.

"Yeah, tact hasn't always been my strong point," Adam told me. He seemed to find it amusing instead of seeing it as a bad thing. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, about that," I said. "I thought you didn't have a car?"

"Yeah, about that," he copied me. "Come on," and he took my hand. We went down to the parking lot and walked to the farthest edge of the lot.

"Are we walking the whole time on this date?" I asked. "If so, I need to change shoes."

"Please don't do that," Adam told me. "I like them." Talking about my features reminded me of Joe and Ranger. Those two were the last people I wanted on my mind right now.

"Then where is your car?" I asked, still not believing he had one.

"You're standing in front of it," Adam said. I looked at the car nearest us, and immediately became jealous. It was a topless white Aston Martin convertible. Made my red Sprint look like a garbage bin on wheels.

"Oh my god," I said in disbelief.

"You like it?" he asked.

"It's…decent," I tried to sound cool.

"Decent?" he questioned me.

"Well, I've driven Porsche."

"Don't you have a Sprint?" he laughed at me.

"I said I've driven Porsche. Never said I owned one," I admitted.

"And you think a Porsche is better than an Aston Martin?" Adam asked, opening the passenger door for me.

"No," I said, wondering how I'd gotten myself into this conversation.

"What do you like about Porsche cars?" he asked as we drove off.

"They're fun," I told him.

"And?"

"I like driving them."

"And?"

"They're fast."

"And an Aston Martin isn't?"

"Porsche's are…pretty," I floundered. I wasn't going to win this argument.

"I repeat my previous question." Apparently Adam wasn't going to give up.

"I don't know."

"You acted like you did," Adam argued further.

"All I said was that I like to drive Porsche."

"Yet you own a Sprint."

"Up until today you didn't have a car at all!" I tried to jab.

"And now I own an Aston Martin," Adam said with a cocky tone. "And, you?"

"I…" I was loosing so bad. "You…I…uh…damn it!"

"This was fun," Adam said. And then he sped down the road in victory.

By the time we'd gotten to the restaurant, we'd moved past our silly car argument. I now knew full well that Adam liked to debate and enjoyed winning. I'd dated cocky men before. I was familiar with his kind. But I hoped that there was more to him than this. I was done lying to myself. I wanted to be swept off my feet.

We ended up going to a sports restaurant. The kind of restaurant that had sports memorabilia on the walls and peanuts that you could throw on the floor. I suddenly felt like I was over dressed.

"I know this isn't particularly romantic," Adam said as we entered the establishment. "But as a sports journalist this place greatly represents me."

"No, it's fine," I told him. "Sports are a big part of your life, I get it."

"Next date we'll go to an Italian restaurant," he said. "Then you'll be greatly represented."

"To really represent me we'd have to go to an Italian-Hungarian restaurant." I said. "I don't think one exists."

"Yeah it does," Adam said. "Your parents house." And that made me laugh, for the first time that night. And I ended up laughing a lot more afterward. Adam was a tad obnoxious, but he was also very funny. I got more confident about us as the night went on.

Until that is, Adam asked a big no-no question.

"So tell me about Morelli," Adam said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Just curious," Adam replied.

"There's not much to tell."

"According to your mother and her neighbors, that's not true."

"I would take anything you heard from them with a grain of salt."

"They said you two were engaged once." Adam said. "You've lived together on an off. And this has been going on for years. I think there is definitely something to tell."

"Well, technically yes," I conceded.

"Your grandma said he was your first," Adam told me.

"Did she?" I asked. I was going to kill her.

"Yeah, and apparently there is a sexy poem written about you on a wall somewhere?" I was definitely going to kill Grandma.

"That's technically true too."

"Is the poem truthful?"

"You'll have to find out for yourself."

"Oh really?" Adam got cocky again. I threw a peanut at him.

After dinner, we went to a movie. He let me pick, and didn't specify what kind he didn't want to see. So as revenge for what had gone on that night, I chose a chick flick. Which backfired, because I hated it too.

When we got out of the movie, we didn't waste much time waiting to bash it. We managed to entertain ourselves for the entire drive home with talk of how nauseating the film was. When we got back to my place he walked me to my door.

I decided to welcome him in for a beer.

"So, if I asked you something you might not want to answer," Adam asked me. "Are you going to try to get drunk to ignore it again?"

"I think I've grown out of that tendency," I said.

"Well," Adam looked nervous, which was weird considering his over confident nature. "Considering our age difference…"

"Just 3 years," I reminded him.

"I was wondering, what your rule was?" He asked.

"My rule?" I asked.

"You know, how many dates until…"

"We jump in the sack?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"It depends," I told him.

"Depends on what?" he asked.

"If the relationship is at that stage."

"Is ours?"

"We've only had one date, Adam."

"And how many more dates will we have until the big one?"

"It depends," I repeated.

"On what?" he asked. He wasn't getting it.

"It just depends."

"Well, I'm confused," he said.

"Well, tell me this," I asked him. "What's your rule?"

"I don't know," he told me.

"Do you have one?" I asked.

"Maybe I don't," he told me. I could understand that. I didn't think I had a specific rule either. We sat in silence for a moment. A moment that was long enough for a troubling question to pop into my head.

"I hope I don't offend you or anything," I told him. "But are you a virgin?"

"What?" he said; completely surprised by my question. "What? No!"

"Then how long do you wait until you sleep with girls?"

"With my last girlfriend we waited until we thought we loved each other."

"Oh dear," I said in dread. Despite being only 3 years older than him, I was in a very different stage than him dating wise. "How many partners have you had?"

"…Just one," Adam replied, in a very embarrassed tone. Oh dear. "We dated for a really long time."

"I see," I said. Basically what he was saying was that he was still practically virgin flesh. I was definitely too old for him.

"I hoped I wouldn't have to tell you that," Adam said. "But I wasn't sure how our relationship was going to work. I generally have had girlfriends. We didn't date prior to having those joined labels."

"I get it," I assured him. "You've never simply dated before."

"Yep."

"Well, my advice about this considering your past experience is that we should take it slow."

"As slow as I took it with Ashley?"

"Whatever you're comfortable with," I told him. What was I doing? I was 30 years old. Experience wise I was vastly ahead of him. Well, maybe not vastly, but I was certainly in a different place. We clearly shouldn't be dating. But I couldn't tell him that. Not with him looking so hurt.

"I don't want to wait like I did with her," Adam said, trying to man up.

"Well, even I think that the first date is too early," I told him.

"Is 5 dates too early?" he asked.

"That's generally a good rule," I told him.

"Want to try that?"

"Sure," I said. He felt he'd be ready to sleep with me in 5 dates. And I was pretty sure, that if he and I were wrong for each other, by the 5th date I would call it quits. Maybe that wasn't fair leading him on. But I felt I was in a situation I couldn't get out of at the moment.

"Looking forward to it," he said with his old cocky tone. The confident Adam was back. I shook my head at his double personality and sent him home. This was definitely a new type of situation for me. It probably would end badly, but I was still going to give him a shot.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

After Adam left, I went back to the kitchen to finish my beer. But when I got back to the kitchen I saw 3 beer bottles out. We'd each just had one and Adam hadn't finished his. I was really confused, until I heard a board creak. I looked toward my living room and saw Ranger.

"What did you hear?" I asked. I wasn't even going to bother asking him what he was doing here. I always hated it when he broke into my apartment, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it.

"This is wrong, Stephanie," Ranger said.

"Yeah, breaking and entering, it's a crime."

"You shouldn't be dating a kid."

"He's not a kid."

"He practically is."

"It's not abnormal to have had little sexual experience at his age," I argued.

"Were you as inexperienced as him when you were his age?" Ranger asked.

"Everyone is different."

"Exactly," Ranger stated. "You two; are completely different. Too different, to be together."

"You and I are pretty far apart," I said. "That didn't stop us from having a relationship."

"We never tried to date each other," Ranger reminded me.

"We still slept together."

"And did it work out?" Ranger asked. "We only did it once. You were never comfortable doing it again."

"Morelli made things complicated," I said. "And you didn't want a relationship."

"Do you really want to be responsible for transporting someone through a big change like this?"

"I'm not deflowering him, he's had sex before."

"Yet he was acting tonight like a virgin bride on her wedding night."

"He was nervous."

"He should be dating someone who is closer to his experience level," Ranger said. Then, Ranger went on to further list why I was wrong for Adam. "I doubt he's ever dated someone who has exploded a car. Or a person whose life has been in danger on more than one occasion." And then he added a doozy. "Do you think he's dated anyone with murder on their conscience?"

I knew arguing with him would be pointless. Despite our argument, I was on his side. I wasn't right for Adam. After all I'd been through, was any normal guy at my level? Ranger and Morelli were. But even they didn't seem to be right for me.

"He drove you around in a sexy car, he looked super sexy, and yet NO SEX HAPPENED!" Lula freaked out on me. "Why didn't you tap that?"

"It was our first date!" I shouted back. "I'm not that easy!"

"HA!" I could hear Vinny in his office.

"Let's stop yelling," I whispered to Lula. "I'd rather Vinny wasn't privy to any of this."

"Fine," Lula agreed. "But honestly, Stephanie, nothing happened?"

"Yes, Lula," I told her. "Nothing happened."

"But, you slept over at his house once," Lula said. "He knows about your past already." No he doesn't. "What's stopping you from jumping him? Are you two waiting to be in love?"

I was completely composed until she mentioned the love part. It made me twitch. And despite how small it was, it didn't go unnoticed to Lula.

"What. The. FUCK!" Lula yelled again. I shushed her. This was definitely something I didn't want Vinny privy to.

"It's complicated," I tried to explain to her.

"What's complicated?" Connie asked. She came into the office from a supply store run.

"Stephanie is waiting till marriage to get jiggy with her boy toy," Lula said.

"No, I'm not," I told a very disbelieving Connie. "We are just using the 5 date rule, which is how I'd do it anyway."

"That's a pretty good goal," Connie said. I gave her an appreciative nod and then made a, 'so there,' gesture to Lula.

"Who follows proper dating etiquette with a rebound?" Lula argued, refusing to be 2 against 1.

"He's not a rebound," I argued back.

"He's the guy you're dating while you are on a break from your on again off again boyfriend," Lula said. "Sounds like a rebound to me."

"She does have a point," Connie agreed.

"Hey," I said. "You were on my side. Stay there."

"Whose idea was it to use the 5 date rule?" Lula asked.

"It was mutual," I told her.

"Who suggested it first?"

"He did."

"Really?" Lula asked. "He didn't try to convince you to do it earlier?"

"No," I told her. "He felt the most comfortable with it being 5 dates. He wasn't ready to do it sooner."

"Are you going to save everything for the 5th date?" Connie asked.

"Aren't those the guidelines involved in the 5 date rule?" I asked.

"Some people do a little half way work around the 3rd or 4th date," Connie said.

"Oh…well…I don't know." I told her. "I think it's something we'll decide as we go along."

"What would you prefer?"

"…I don't know."

"You don't know?" Lula asked astounded. "How can you not know?"

"I haven't really thought about it."

"Well think about it now."

"I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"Because…we have an FTA to find," I tried to distract her.

"Bullshit!" Lula called me out. "Why won't you tell us?"

"Because I don't know!"

"What kind of woman doesn't know what she wants?"

"This woman!"

"Knock…it…off…" we could hear Vinny chanting in his office.

"Now I'm siding with Vinny," Connie said. "Take a break, girls."

I was completely fine with dropping this conversation. But I knew Lula was far from over it. I knew I could tell Lula and Connie exactly why I was doing things the way I was. I could tell them how I wasn't even sure I would be sticking with Adam the entire 5-date timeline. But I knew what would happen with that. There would be more judgment. Connie would tell me that I shouldn't be in this relationship and Lula would agree. But she'd just say, 'dump his ass.'

"There's only one outstanding bond at the moment," Connie said.

"Yeah, Russell," I said.

"Magda Mirren turned herself in," Connie told us. "That made things considerably easier for us all."

"We're aware," I said. I tried to look Lula in the eye, but she was still pissed. She probably would be like this all day. If we'd let her get out all her frustration and if I'd told her more details, she would deflate a little. But I wanted to respect Adam and keep his secret safe. I didn't want to be judged. And I didn't want to say aloud everything that Ranger had pointed out the night before.

I left with Russell's folder with the plan to find him at his place of work. I wasn't sure if I'd be getting Lula's help, so I didn't gesture her to follow. But as I was walking to my car, I could hear someone walking behind me. Despite being angry with me, I knew Lula would rather not be stuck in the office all day. I turned to look at her. She looked like she was trying to calm down.

I considering her telling her something more about my relationship with Adam, just to make her feel better. But I couldn't decide what to tell her. We ended up speaking briefly to go over our game plan. And then we got into our respective cars and headed out.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

We arrived in front of our favorite restaurant, Cluck in a Bucket. I hoped to God that Russell wasn't the dancing chicken. I had bad experience with Cluck customers trying to fight me for taking away their beloved Clucky.

We entered, and Lula immediately stepped in line.

"We really should just try to get…" I was about to remind her.

"I'm hungry," she spoke gruffly. I knew not to argue with her. I scanned the behind the counter area for anyone who looked like Russell Bitterman. No one in sight looked like him.

"Welcome to Cluck in a Bucket," a pimply college age girl said when we got to the register.

"Hi," Lula said, far more cheerful than she'd been in a while. "I'd like a bucket off…"

"Is Russell here?" I interrupted Lula. She elbowed me in the shoulder angrily.

"You mean, Mr. Bitterman? Our assistant manager, Mr. Bitterman?" the girl asked.

"I believe so."

"He's training someone. I think he's outside in the back."

"Thank you," I told the girl. I attempted to drag Lula with me, but she was staying put.

"I wasn't done here!" she said attitudinally.

"I don't want to go back there alone," I told her. Russell, or Mr. Bitterman as this girl called him, was arrested for sexual misconduct with a minor. I wasn't worried about my safety. I was worried about what I'd find when I got around back. Apparently his fellow employees didn't know that the last person he'd taken upon himself to train, had reported him abusing her desire to get a job by making her give him a blowjob. I did not want to walk in on him and his next victim.

"I want my food!" Lula barked. I knew I couldn't argue with her any further. Possibly because of my protective relationship with Adam, I felt it was my duty to protect the Cluck trainee from having the same fate as the previous one. I went out the side doors and snuck around back. When I got closer to the dumpsters, I could hear a man talking.

"Listen, kid, you've been fired from a lot of fast food joints. I don't know how easily you could get a job here unless you have a really good reference. I could help you there, but I…"

"Russell Bitterman!" I called out, dashing around the corner. Russell immediately jumped back with his hands above his head.

"He's of legal age!" he blurted out.

"What?" the kid next to him backed up in disgust. "Ew! What the hell?"

"Go home kid," I told him. And the kid ran off. I tried to cuff Russell, but he wouldn't lower his arms enough for me to reach him.

"I was going to go to court, honest," Russell said. "But I had to work that day and there was no one available to cover me."

"Why you still have a job here is beyond me," I said. "Lower your arms."

"No," Russell said, taking a big step back.

"Get over here!" I growled at him, matching his big step but going forward.

"No!" Russell yelled just as the back door opened.

"What's going on here?" a balding man asked. He was the manager. While I was distracted by the manager, Russell ran off.

"Russell, damn it!" I yelled as I chased after him. I chased after him down the parking lot, heading toward the Cluck in the Bucket exit driveway. Being that Russell was 6 foot 7, he was able to run faster than I. I thought I would have to chase him into the street, but then Lula came out of left field. She was in her car, and she hit him. Russell went flying and landed on knees and hands. I was able to jump on him and flatten him to the pavement.

"All my bones are broken!" Russell whined.

"Are not," Lula said standing over us. She had ankle shackles in her hands. I took my handcuffs off my belt and cuffed his wrists while she did his ankles. Then she and I attempted to drag him into her car, which was difficult given his tall frame was too big too fit in her Firebird.

"He's not going to fit in my car either," I said. She and I were still holding onto Russell, we weren't letting him loose. As we stood there conflicted, the manager made his way over.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked. "Rusty, what's the matter?"

"Case of mistaken identity," Russell said.

"Who are we mistaking you with?" Lula asked. "Goliath?"

"We are Bounty Hunters," I explained.

"What's he done?" the manager asked.

"Please, don't tell him…" Russell begged, even though he knew we would.

"He forced one of your prospective employees to blow him," Lula told him.

"Rusty!" the manager put his hand to his chest. And kneeling "How could you?"

"Sorry, Dad," Rusty said.

"Dad?" Lula said in disbelief.

"Well that explains how Rusty has a job here," I commented.

"Not anymore," Bitterman senior said in disdain. "You can take him in his own van." He fished his son's keys out of his pocket. "God knows what has happened in the back of that thing." He helped us get Russell into a standing position and we forced him to walk with us to the van.

"This is probably the time in the crime TV show where you call out to your dad and say, 'Daddy, NO!'" Lula joked.

"He'll forgive me," Russell said. "He has before."

"Well, we're going to try to not worry about that right now," I said. Russell didn't fight us again. He willingly went in his van. Lula and I got in the front and we drove to the police station. Since we figured Rusty would be in lock up for a while, we would be able to take his van back ourselves and pick up our own cars.

"What do you suppose has gone on in this car?" Lula asked as we were driving.

"Nothing I want to know about," I said.

We took Russell in. We had gotten all 5 of the outstanding FTA's. We were feeling pretty good. We drove the creepy van back to Cluck in a Bucket and got our cars back. Lula and I ended up separating there.

"I still didn't get my food," Lula called to me from her car. She stayed at the restaurant, and I headed home. I hadn't checked my Facebook in a while. When I got home, I immediately headed for my computer. But on my way there I saw that I had a message on my answering machine. I figured it was from Adam. But it wasn't.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" I heard Morelli's voice come out of the machine. "I gave you some time. But I know if I give you too much time, you'll never talk to me. Call me."

I wasn't going to call him. There was nothing to talk about. I was staying committed to Adam. That meant that I couldn't talk to my ex about babies. And it's not like I wanted to anyway.

When I finally got onto my Facebook, I had a lot of work ahead of me. I had friend requests up the wazoo. They were from Mary Lou, Grandma Mazur, Sally Sweet, and someone named Giggity G. Goo. My sister had accepted my friend request, and had written on my wall. I accepted the friend request except Giggity's. I saw that I had some emails. Most of them were from my friends who were checking that it was really me. Another was from my niece saying she didn't want her family on her Facebook. I considered emailing her back to ask her why she'd added her step-dad, but it really didn't matter. I then decided to check Adam's page. I hadn't gotten any emails or wall posts from him.

His page didn't look too different. He hadn't posted any statuses about me. Or at least not me specifically. His most recent status from 3 hours ago had been,

"Pretty interesting 24 hours I must say."

I wasn't sure if I was included in that or not. I was about to log off when I noticed something. Some girl named Ashley Michaelson had written on his wall in a post above mine. I knew I'd seen it before, but it wasn't until now that it mattered. He'd said his ex's name was Ashley.

"Hey bud! How's life? What's Trenton like? How's you know who doing? (If you know what I mean, ha ha)."

-Ashley

I didn't know what the 'you know who' referred to. Was she talking about me? There was only one comment on the post, and he'd written it.

"Everything is good."

-Adam

It didn't seem like he was interested in talking to her. But for all I knew they had talked more in depth on chat or something. I tried not to care about it. I talked to my ex's still, sort of. I chose to send him an email to ask when he wanted to get together again. And surprisingly, he answered my message just minutes later.

"You just get on?" I asked in a return email.

"I've been on all day," he emailed back. "I'm just keeping chat offline."

"Why?"

"So people won't talk to me."

"Oh," I responded in just a one word message. "Does that mean you don't want to talk to me?" I sent another email.

"No," he said. "I want to talk to you. It's other people that I don't want."

"Would, 'Ashley' be one of them?" I messaged.

"She'd be 'the one,'" Adam sent in a chat box. He'd gotten online.

"I didn't want to assume," I said. "But I just thought I'd check."

"I'm guessing you saw the wall post?" he asked.

"Yep," I replied.

"She doesn't seem to be online right now," he said. "So it should be okay. Anyway, about the next date, how does tomorrow sound?"

"Good."

"Okay, what would you like to do?"

"Same thing?" I suggested

"Okay."

"Minus the chick flick."

"Definitely okay," he wrote, and then added an, 'LOL'

"Huh?" I asked.

"Huh what?"

"'LOL'?"

"Laugh. Out. Loud," he explained.

"Oh, ha ha," I wrote back. I was about to ask what restaurant we'd be going to, when he logged off. I sat there in confusion until I got an email.

Sorry, Ashley logged on. And anyway, I should be working. I'll call you later.

-Adam

Seemed I wasn't the only one with annoying exes. I guess that was one way he and I weren't so different.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Good job, Stephanie," Connie told me when I stopped by the bond office.

"Thank you," I told her.

"I was doing that on Vinny's behalf as well."

"Vinny thinks we did a good job?"

"No," Connie admitted. "But he should. If he has a brain in that rat-faced head of his."

"I'm pretty sure his brain is in his pants," I joked.

"Shut up!" We could hear Vinny say from his office, carrying out the word sounds.

"Are there any new ones?" I asked, hoping that there weren't.

"Not at the present time," Connie replied. I started to slowly release the breath I was holding. "But I wouldn't get too hopeful." I sucked that breath right back up. "Enjoy time off while you can."

"I'll try," I said.

"Do you have another date with Adam?"

"Tonight."

"What are you going to do?"

"Dinner and a movie."

"Again?"

"Well it worked so well before," I defended.

"Have you been leaving him in charge of the date plans?" Connie asked.

"We have been working together on it, why?"

"Your dates have seemed sort of juvenile," Connie said. "That's all."

"What kind of dates should we be going on?"

"Well," Connie replied, her face getting red from being on the spot. "Maybe a play or a concert instead of a movie. Something a little more arty."

"Plays and concerts are basically live movies," I said.

"How about a game?" she suggested.

"I prefer games on TV," I said. "That way I can easily switch channels or leave if I get bored."

"That's it then!" Connie said.

"What?"

"Have an intimate night in. He's a sports writer right? He'll love it!"

"An intimate date at my apartment watching a game," I said aloud to process. "Our last date was at a sports bar. Shouldn't we shake things up?"

"Spending some time with him in a private place might help you get over your intimacy issues," Connie explained.

"My what?"

"Come on, Steph," she said. "I respect your 5 date game plan, but I can tell that something is holding you back from being close to him."

"And you know that how?" I asked. "I've given nothing away."

"Lula might have been highly annoying the other day," Connie said. "But underneath that superficial crap, she had a point."

"I don't have intimacy issues."

"Does he?"

"…Yeah," I decided to say. It was sort of true.

"Do you know why?"

"Yes,"

"Want to share?"

"No,"

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay then," Connie said, thoroughly ready to drop it. Or so I thought. "Are you really sure…"

"Ohmygodyes!" I sped up, thoroughly annoyed now. She put her hands in front of her in an 'I give up, you win,' gesture. I told her to call me in if any new FTAs surfaced, and then I left. When I got outside to my Sprint, Morelli was leaning on it again.

"I'd report you to the cops for harassment," I told him. "But…"

"I am the cops," Joe finished for me.

"Bingo," I said.

"Ready to talk yet?"

"Nope," I said. And before he could ask me when I would be ready, I beat him to the punch with the answer. "There is no longer anything to talk about. I've gotten over it. And I'm also dating someone now."

"So I've heard," Morelli said. "The Burg is all a flutter. Your mother is now a victim of positive gossip. And my Grandma Bella wants to kill you."

"What? I figured it would make her happy that we are no longer together."

"She thinks you're the reason I'm going to hell."

"Please," I snorted. "As if." Morelli chuckled, and it made me tingle. Damn it.

"Things going good with the new guy then?" Morelli asked.

"Yep." Sort of.

"Good," Morelli said. "I heard he's young."

"Not really," I said.

"He looks like he just had his bar mitzvah in his column photo."

"He does not!" I practically honked.

"I'm just busting your balls,"

"I don't have balls."

"I'm well aware."

"Shut up."

"See you later, cupcake," Morelli said, and he got off my car. I watched him walk away, and I nearly drooled. Morelli was good at walking away. He was good at a lot of things. Then had to literally slap myself, I had started to fantasize. I got in my car and started to drive home. When I got home I saw my cell had a voice message. It had come from Morelli, only minutes after he'd left.

"Did you seriously slap yourself?" was all he had said. And then he had disconnected. Dick.

Adam came to pick me up again that night. But we had changed our game plan, literally. We drove to Pino's to pick up some pizzas and beer. We then went back to my apartment to watch a game. But at the last minute Adam surprised me. I had been channel surfing to find my sports channel, when Adam put a DVD box in my face.

"A chick flick?" I said in disbelief.

"It's romantic," he explained.

"I figured as a sports writer," I said. "A basketball game would get you hot."

"Our last date was sort of sports-centric."

"It was sort of chick flick-centric too."

"This is an oldie chick flick," Adam said. "It's not trashy and nauseas-making like the new ones these days."

"I don't have a DVD player," I said.

"You don't?" 

"No. I own more VHS tapes than I do DVDs. For the few DVDs I own I use my laptop."

"Then we can watch it on there."

"The screen is kind of small for two people to be able to see it well."

"Then we'll sit close together," Adam said, pulling me toward the couch. He lifted my laptop off the end table and placed it half on his lap and half on mine. He put the DVD in and put his arm around me so we'd fit together better. Our closeness made my heart flip. It had been a long time since I'd experienced something this sweet.

As the movie had gone on, we had slowly started to slouch and mold with each other. By the time the end credits were rolling, we were deeply snuggled. When the DVD went to it's default mode, the room was silent. And we became far more aware of how close we were.

We went from watching a movie, to feeling like we were in one. We were looking at each other directly in the eye, and we did what came wordlessly to us. We had our first kiss. And as cheesy as it sounds, in that moment, I forgot about my indecision and confliction. Before I knew it I had moved on top of him and we were in a deep make out session. It went on for what seemed like a while. We didn't stop until someone else joined the party.

"Oh Jeeze!" Adam winced, pushing me back into a sitting position next to him. The new guest was Adam Jr. "I'm sorry," he said blushing. "I swear I generally have better control of this."

"Don't worry about it," I told him. He did seem to still be worried about it though. If it had been Morelli that this had happened to, he would have been proud of himself and would have continued to put the moves on me.

"You aren't annoyed, or anything, are you?" he asked.

"Of course not," I told him. "Why would I be?"

"Some girls get mad when guys get hard."

"That makes no sense," I told him, even though I knew what he meant. He was worried that he'd crossed a line by letting himself get erect "We aren't abstinent teens, Adam. It's not a crime if you enjoy make out sessions."

"I know," he said. "It's just sort of my reflex to feel bad when this happens."

"Again," I told him. "It's no big deal."

"It's not…" he said awkwardly. "Big?"

"Huh? Oh, I wasn't talking about that." I chuckled. His face got redder. "It's nice," I told him. "From what I can tell of it."

"Thank you," Adam said, with an obnoxious edge starting to envelop his tone. He was getting back to his usual self.

"Nice to know you feel better," I laughed.

"I do actually," he told me. But then he looked down, he was still erect.

"Completely ready with no place to go," I quietly sang.

"Want to move ahead a few stages?" Adam asked. We sat there silently for a moment.

"Are you ready for that?" I asked. After another silent moment, Adam gestured to his crotch

"I think the answer is obvious," he said. We had yet another silent moment. I gulped, and then said the magic words.

"My room is over there."

We got off the couch, and I lead him by the hand to my bedroom.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

I don't want to be negative, I generally try to be the opposite and give things a chance. But, Adam is one of the worst lays I've ever had. At first I thought I was just biased. After experiencing both Ranger and Morelli, it's not surprising that I could be ruined for all other men. But, Adam seemed really terrible.

Not that I was entirely shocked. He had only slept with one other person. Likely she'd been just as inexperienced, so he probably never thought he had to improve. Or maybe he wasn't bad in bed. Maybe my standards were way too high. Wouldn't surprise me. Oh who am I kidding? He sucked.

The problem with Adam is that he seemed to be the type whose goal in sex was to just get it done. He reminded me of my mother's description of sex she'd given me when I was a kid, about how it wasn't meant for fun but for procreation. He was just focused on ejaculating. He didn't seem to be focusing much on the pleasure of his partner. I tried to aid him in any way I could, but he just didn't get it. And to make me even more embarrassed for him, he blew his load really fast. Well, okay maybe not really fast. But faster than some of my other partners. I knew he just wasn't as practiced. But still, it was a buzz kill.

Afterward, not too long after we'd started in my opinion, we lay there cuddling. Unless he was a really good at hiding it, he was acting like everything had gone well. I personally was kind of hoping I could have my bed back to myself. God I'm a bitch.

"It's getting late," I finally said.

"Not too late," Adam said. I could hear his confidence in his tone. The 'Good job, Adam,' pride parade was still going on in his head. Poor guy.

"Don't you have to work tomorrow?" I asked.

"Only a half day," he said. "On weekends I work mostly from home."

"I'm going in early tomorrow," I lied.

"Really?" he asked. "I thought you were out of bad guys to find?"

"Uh, 'bad guys' don't stay away for long," I said.

"Oh, I guess that's true," he said. I hoped that he'd get the hint to get dressed and go home, but poor little Adam was just too thick. "Ready to go to sleep then?" He got himself out of our cuddling position and started plumping his pillow.

"Are you staying?" I asked.

"Uh, yeah, I figured I would," he told me. "Why?"

"Um…just asking?" I covered. "I figured you'd want to go home."

"Naw," he said. "Your place doesn't smell like hot cheese. I definitely want to stay here."

"Okay, then." I myself started to situate myself for sleeping. Hopefully I'd conk out fast. Wow, I am really terrible. Seriously. I've never wanted to get away from someone so desperately in my life. Maybe I was just still cranky from my orgasm mission being aborted. "Night," I said.

"Night, honey," he responded. Gack.

The next morning when I woke up, he was gone. Had I dreamed that entire night? I kind of hoped I had. Until, I saw a note taped to his pillow.

A friend of mine came into town this morning, I got a text from him while you were asleep. Don't worry, this wasn't a one night stand.

-Adam

I showered until the water ran cold. I had changed my mind about Adam's performance last night. Not about how well he'd been, but about how much I hated it. I bet he wasn't feeling nearly as proud of himself as he'd been acting. He was probably aware that I hadn't liked it. And although he might have told the truth about why he left before I woke up, I'm sure he wanted to get out.

As I drove to work, I thought more about Adam. I didn't want to cop out of a relationship based on sex. It was the first time he'd had sex in a long time. Maybe he had been rusty. Maybe he would improve. Also, dumping someone for being lousy in the sack sounds like something Morelli would do. And I was not Morelli.

But then I reminded myself that for most of my relationship with Adam, I had been unsure if I wanted to be in it. And most of that indecision existed before I'd slept with him. But basically the indecision had come from worrying about sleeping with him. This was annoying. Should I stay with him or not? One thing was for certain; I didn't want to dump him before I gave him one more chance. That chance probably wouldn't include sex though. I hoped he would be okay with that.

"Good morning," I said as I went into the bonds office.

"Hey," Connie said, not looking up from her magazine. "No new bonds yet."

"That's okay," I said. Connie finally looked up from her magazine and politely smiled at me. She then looked back down.

"Donuts over on the table over there," she said. I went to get one, and realized something as I bit into the jelly filled snack. Connie hadn't commented or reacted to the recently laid me. That wasn't like her.

"I got the coffee!" I heard Lula call out as she came in the door. Lula. She'd say something. I knew she would.

"Hey," I greeted her.

"Hey," she responded. Nothing. She hadn't noticed yet.

"How are you?" I asked her.

"Fine," she said.

"Cool," I responded. There was silence in the room. Connie ended up looking up from her magazine. She looked at me, and seemed to be contemplating something. She was sensing something about me, I was sure.

"How are you, Stephanie?" she asked.

"Good," I replied. "Really good."

"Well, that's nice," Lula said. I looked over at Connie, she had gone back to her magazine. Whatever she'd picked up about me had stopped bothering her. This made no sense. How could they not tell I'd had sex last night? In the past they'd always known. Not that it mattered, but still, it wasn't like them.

"I slept with Adam last night!" I blurted out. Finally Lula and Connie reacted.

"You did?" Connie replied shocked.

"Whoa!" Lula responded.

"Yeah…I did," I said, holding my chin up. I knew it was coming. The teasing, the comments about my mood or how I was looking, the judgment. It was coming. Generally I hated when they acted like that. But I was used to it, and expected it.

"So much for 5 dates," Lula said. There was the judgment. "But thank god you jumped him, I was worried about you."

"Yeah, it wasn't planned," I told them. "It just happened."

"It's the best way," Connie commented. And then, they went back to ignoring me. The fuck?

"That's it?" I blurted out again. What was wrong with me today? Why was I obsessing over their reaction? Was I looking for approval?

"Huh?" Connie asked, looking back up from her magazine.

"Uh, nothing," I said. I knew it was best to shut up now.

"No, what?" Connie asked.

"Yeah, I'm curious too," Lula said, folding her arms and staring at me.

"It's nothing," I tried to convince them.

"Doesn't seem like it," Lula argued.

"Well, it is," I looked away from them.

"Steph, what's wrong?" Connie asked.

"Nothing," I repeated.

"Come on, Steph. Fess up," Lula said. "It's obviously not nothing."

"It's…" I stammered. I was about to say 'nothing' again. "I'm just…used to you two reacting differently. That's all."

"How were we supposed to react?" Connie asked. "You bagged someone, woo hoo!"

"Let's just forget it," I said, trying to shake the conversation out of my head.

"Hold up now, you've got me curious," Lula said, putting her hand up. "What do you feel is wrong here?"

"Ugh," I groaned. "It honestly is nothing. I'm just used to you two teasing me and commenting on it more and stuff."

"Oh, okay?" Connie said, still confused.

"I think I see what she's saying," Lula told Connie. "It's generally really obvious to tell if Stephanie had recently gotten some."

"Oh yeah," Connie said, getting it. "She's usually uncommonly relaxed."

"Satisfied," Lula added another way to describe it.

"Yeah, and generally we have to pick on her a lot before she will admit it," Connie said. "But this time she just blurted it out. That's new."

"Yeah, that's what I meant," I said. "I'm used to you guys just instantly knowing."

"Yeah, how come we didn't this time?" Lula asked Connie.

"I don't know," she replied. "Now that you mention it, it is strange."

"Are we losing our touch?" Lula asked.

"No way," Connie disagreed. "It's not possible."

"Unless," Lula hypothesized. "There's something seriously wrong that happened that clouded our abilities."

"You, 'sex detecting,' abilities?" I joked.

"Steph," Lula asked very seriously. "Is Adam, not…good at it?"

"What?" I asked. Shit. Now I got it. "He's…fine. Gr-reat!" I stuttered.

"Uh oh," Lula said. "The boy toy…SUCKS!" And then Lula and Connie got turned into a tornado of condolences on my behalf.

"No! No! No!" I yelled. I hadn't wanted them to guess that part.

"Dump him," Lula said.

"What?" I was shocked.

"He's a sex retard!" Connie squealed in disapproval.

"I can't dump him for that!" I told them.

"Dump him!" I could hear Vinny yell from his office.

"How long has he been in there!" I squeaked.

"The whole time!" he answered for Connie.

"God damnit!" Adam was going to kill me. If a sex fiend like Vinny knew, everyone would know. He'd tell his buddies, it would somehow reach the Burg, and then Adam would dump me. Morelli and Ranger would find out for sure. No! No! No!


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Time had rolled around again for a dinner at my parent's house. I decided to spare Adam by not making him accompany me. We hadn't spoken since that night. I figured he was trying to wait a few days before contacting me again. Make me sweat or something? I was sure sweating all right. I was worried that he'd found out that I'd squealed to Connie and Lula.

As I was driving down my parent's street, I could already see my mother waiting on the porch. She had an 1,000 yard pissed off Burg mom stare. When I pulled into the driveway I could see my grandmother standing in the doorway.

"Go set the table, mother," my mother said to Grandma Mazur. "I need to talk to Stephanie alone."

"I won't butt in" Grandma insisted. She wasn't going to let herself miss whatever it was that was going to befall me.

"Go. Inside," my mother said through her teeth. And my grandmother pouted her shriveled lips, and walked away.

"So, what's up?" I asked innocently.

"It was only your second date!" my mother scolded. "Have you no restraint!"

"I don't see how this is any of your business," I told her.

"When I get 7 calls from my social circle about it," my mother said. "It becomes my business."

"It was an accident, mom,"

"An accident? How can something like this be an accident? Things like that are conscious decisions!"

"You know what I meant," I told her.

"The fact that everyone knows about it," my mother said aloud, more to herself than to me. "How did it get out?"

"You better than anyone should know how the Burg works," I said. "You tell one person in confidence, they betray you and tell someone else. And Kablowwy! Everyone knows."

"Why would you tell anyone this?"

"Accident?"

"Stephanie Plum! What is wrong with you!"

"That's a very good question," someone's voice said behind me. Joe Morelli.

"What on earth are you doing here?" my mother asked him. I wanted to know the same thing.

"I was walking Bob," Morelli gestured to the big fat orange lab. Bob was panting heavily and looked like he wanted to jump on me, but his leash was too short. "I saw you two talking and thought I'd come over and say hello." My mother and I just stared at him. "Hello," he finally greeted us.

"If you don't mind," my mother said to him. "My daughter and I are having a private conversation, Joseph."

"It's not that private if I can be honest with you, Mrs. Plum," he said. "Your neighbors on the corner were talking about what you two were saying when I walked past them."

"Oh dear," my mother said looking devastated.

"Frank wants to eat now!" my grandmother called from the house.

"We should go," my mother told me.

"You guys start without me," I told her. "I need to talk to Joe for a minute." My mother didn't bother arguing with me. She went inside, and I'm pretty sure headed for the liquor cabinet.

"What do you know?" I flipped around and growled at Morelli. He just smirked, and leaned in to whisper.

"Heard you had a lousy night recently, brought to you by your new boyfriend."

"…Lies," I claimed.

"Really? That's not how everyone is telling it," Morelli snickered.

"Well 'everyone' needs to get a hobby," I said. That made him laugh again.

"Not to sound cocky…" Morelli began to say.

"Who? You?" I joked.

"But if you want to remember what it's like done right, give me a call."

"I won't be calling you any time soon," I told him.

"Well, the offer still stands," he told me.

"I hope you enjoy disappointment," I said rudely.

"Apparently you don't mind it," Morelli said in the same tone. And then he and Bob walked away.

"Adam is not a disappointment!" I called after him. Morelli didn't respond. I finally went into my parents' house. They had already started eating, and were awfully quiet. When they saw that I was inside, they immediately jumped into conversation amongst themselves. They had been listening. Great.

After dinner, Grandma and Mom immediately got to work cleaning up. Dad sidled over to the television. And I followed my sister and her family out the front door. Kloughn and the girls immediately went to the car. But my sister stayed on the porch with me.

"Albert isn't good in bed either," she told me. I was confused about what had brought this up, but I wasn't surprised by what she said. "But I've never told him that. He thinks he's just fine, and I have no desire to let him think otherwise."

"Okay?" I said. I could see she was trying to relate to my predicament.

"But Albert is my husband, the father of one of my children and the other on the way. He supports me, has no desire to hurt me, and he's the kindest man I've ever been with."

"Your point?" I asked.

"Just make sure that when you decide if you want to stay with Adam or not," she said. "Put the sex aside and think of everything else."

"I will," I said. I had indeed thought about that. And I unfortunately was still dealing with indecision.

When I got home, all my lights were out. There was no extra beer on the table. I had no messages. I hadn't seen Ranger in a while. It felt odd. I went into my bedroom to lye down. I had a lot to think about. I had started to rest my eyes, when I started to feel uneasy.

"Ranger?" I dared a guess and called out. I felt my bed tremble. I opened my eyes and saw Ranger standing right next to my bed. I sat up against the bedpost, and invited him to join me. He chose to sit in the armchair in the corner.

"I thought I'd give you a few days before I visited you again," he said.

"I appreciate that," I told him. "But still, I do have a doorbell. You might want to try it sometime."

"I'll consider it," he said. But no smile followed his joke. He was serious again.

"What is it this time?" I asked. "I'm sure you know what went on here the other night?"

"Yes," he replied. "That's why I chose to sit over here."

"Why?" I asked. "Afraid you'll get Adam cooties?"

"You haven't washed the sheets yet."

"Well, that seems like a pretty good reason." I chose then to stand up and strip the bed. Ranger didn't move from his seat. "So, what's on the docket for our heart to heart this time? A lesson on birth control? Sexually transmitted diseases?" He didn't answer me. "Jealousy?" I baited. I let that one sit for a bit.

"His ex-girlfriend is in town," Ranger finally said. I froze for a moment. "He met with her right after he left your apartment the other morning."

"You had someone watching me," I stated.

"I was watching," Ranger wasn't afraid to admit.

"You know, if it weren't for the fact that I'm slightly terrified of you," I said. I was lying. I was a lot terrified. "I would report you to the police."

"Then you'd have 3 of your love interests involved in your business," Ranger said. "And that's a square I know you have been avoiding." I had to give him that.

"Why are you so interested in my business?" I asked him.

"I'm being protective," he said.

"Adam isn't an FTA, or a nut job out to get me" I told him. "He's a harmless man."

"Boy," Ranger called him.

"Man," I fought back.

"You know my opinion of your relationship with him," Ranger said.

"Yeah, and I know you're jealous too," I said.

"I won't deny that," Ranger admitted. "I haven't stolen a kiss from you in a long time though. I've been respectful enough not to do that."

"I appreciate that," I said. "And I appreciate that you care."

"And I know that you aren't sure you even want to be with Adam," Ranger made me freeze again.

"I won't deny that," I copied him. "But only I can decide this."

"That is true."

"Then why won't you butt out?"

"Because I love you."

"Too bad…"I tried to tell him, but he had moved like lightning and had me in his arms. We kissed. It was pretty easy to tell the difference between his kisses and Adam's. Adam had been a fine kisser; he hadn't screwed up that one. But Ranger was better. And I reacted differently to Ranger's kisses. Ranger had more sway over me. We had more chemistry. I knew that if we kissed for much longer I'd be naked in seconds. But, Ranger chose to stop our make out session before anything happened.

"Just thought I'd give you something to consider in your decision process," Ranger whispered. I was still in his arms.

"And what is that, exactly?" I finally was able to say.

"Does Adam make you feel this way?" Ranger knew me too well. Damn him. He let go of me and went to my linen closet. He got out new sheets and started making my bed for me. I stood there thinking. I'd been doing that a lot lately, but Ranger's kiss had made me think a lot harder. I broke out of my trance and saw that my bed was completely remade.

"Thanks," I said.

"For the bed making, or the help?"

"Both," I said. I looked him in the eye. "I think I know my decision now."

"Glad to have helped," he said. And then he left.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

I had finally decided; I was breaking it off with Adam. The only problem now was to figure out how to do it. I knew it had to be in person. I could not use Facebook as a shield. But I was going to use Facebook for one part of the break up plan. I needed to get a feel for what his life had been like the past few days.

There wasn't too much. He wasn't the type who posts something new every two seconds. He had a status about a sports loss he'd found surprising. He'd become a fan of the Yankees (hey, if he asked me if I was dumping him because of the sex, I could lie and say it was that). And, he'd added to the short conversation that Ashley had tried to have with him.

"Well that was descriptive," Ashley had commented about his very brief response to her post.

"I felt it summed it all up pretty good," Adam had replied.

"Well, I need more," she said. "Tell me," she had added a line below it.

"Trenton is good, the job is nice, and I'm dating someone," Adam summed up again.

"That's nice," Ashley had said. I wondered if she'd become less interested when he told her he wasn't available?

"Yeah, it is," he agreed.

"Well, I'd love to chat or visit you sometime," Ashley had added nearly 24 hours after Adam's comment.

"That would be nice," he had commented. I noticed the time of his comment had been a few hours before our 2nd date. Had Ashley started traveling right at that moment? She was apparently in Trenton the next day. I clicked on Ashley's name. According to Lula, the reason why I had still been able to see information on Buddy's page after he'd deleted me was because he lad light privacy settings. When I got to her page, I saw some things were available for me to view, but not her main page. I had sort of hoped I could get some idea of what was going on between them by seeing her page. I guess I couldn't. I guess it really didn't matter. I was dumping him today.

I went back to my page and opened up an email message to Adam. I knew he checked this thing frequently, so he'd see the message here more likely.

"Can we get together soon?" I typed. Then I paused and tried to figure out what to say next. If I wrote, "we need to talk," it would be obvious. But that was exactly what we needed to do. "I need to see you," I wrote. That sounded more positive than it was meant to be. But I hoped it would work.

I hung around my computer waiting for him to respond. But I grew restless. After sitting there an hour, channel flipping and drinking a beer very early in the day, I got a call on my cell. I answered it hurriedly. But it was just Connie.

"I've got an FTA for you," she said. Ugh.

"I'll be right in," I told her. I then got packed up and left. It didn't seem like Adam was going to respond yet. If he did, I'd see the message later.

"He's going to be difficult this one," Connie told me when I came in. "He's a multiple offender. Ranger has generally been handed this case before."

"I'll give it a shot," I told her. "What's his deal?"

"Murder," Connie said.

"Oh goody!" you can imagine my tone.

"His name is Maxi J. Pieterhoffer."

"Wow, terrifying," I joked.

"Don't be afraid to call Ranger if you need help," Connie told me, handing me the folder.

"I'll take that under advisement," I told her. "But let me be in charge of that. Don't let Vinny call Ranger in on me."

"I'll try," she said. And then I headed out.

I found from his folder that he worked at a warehouse. Apparently he often took breaks out back in the alley. One of his murders had taken place there. He had only committed one. Two had lived. He'd gotten off on technicalities. Except this time according to the folder, he wasn't going to be so lucky.

I went to the front desk of the warehouse to see if he was at work. He was, and was taking one of his many breaks. I drove around to the alley. I figured I could block one way out with my car. That way he'd have less running options. But when I pulled in, I saw another car was blocking the other way out. It was black, mysterious, and sexy. Ranger's car.

I watched him get out and we met in between our cars.

"I left Vinny's at 12:30," I said. "It's 1:00 now and I just got here. What time was it when Connie called you?"

"Quarter to 1," Ranger said.

"Really, she waited that long?" I said sarcastically

"Connie has some faith in you," Ranger said, focusing on the 'some.' "I was in the area, that's why I was here first." It all made more sense now. I looked around the alley and in the warehouse back door window for any sight of Pieterhoffer.

"I hope you didn't scare him off," I said.

"Hoff isn't scared of me," Ranger said. "He used to work for me."

"Has he come out yet?" I asked.

"Just a little while before you got here," Ranger told me.

"Shit, did he run?"

"No,"

"Well then what happened?"

Ranger opened the driver's side door and invited me to peer in. Maxi J. Pieterhoffer, or Hoff as apparently he goes by, was in the back seat.

"You are unbelievable," I said when I brought my head back out.

"But you love it," Ranger teased.

"Not right this second I don't," I disagreed, folding my arms. "The money on this guy would've done wonders for my bank account."

"I might be persuaded to give you a good share of the reward," Ranger told me as he guided me toward my car.

"I'm not sleeping with you for it," I warned him.

"That's not my price every time," Ranger said offended. I chose to lean up against the brick wall next to my car.

"I'm just stating my limit."

"Limit accepted."

"What is your price?" I asked him.

"Break up with your boyfriend already," Ranger said.

"I'm working on it," I told him. "He hasn't replied to my message yet."

"And if he doesn't soon, you'll chicken out."

"No I won't."

"I know you pretty well."

"I won't." I repeated.

"Well," Ranger smirked and stepped closer to me. "Here's a desperate attempt to make you braver." And he kissed me.

"Cocky," I said after he was done.

"Just thought I'd give it a try." And then Ranger went back to his car and backed out of the alley. I watched him leave and then looked the other direction out of instinct. I had felt like I was being watched. When I turned, I saw Adam standing next to a mailbox, staring at me like I'd just done something really terrible.

He'd seen me kiss Ranger. Shit. I started to walk across the street toward him, and he turned to walk away.

"Adam!" I called out. I jogged to get closer, but he wasn't stopping. "Please stop!" He didn't. I saw him opening a car door and was about to get in. So I tried something desperate. "It wasn't what you thought!"

"Are you kidding me?" he whipped his head toward me. I knew he would stop if I said that. "You were kissing some other guy!"

"He did it on purpose," I explained. "He knew you were watching. I didn't."

"What kind of excuse is that?" Adam asked. "I didn't see you fight him off. You could have rebuffed him."

"Ranger and I have a very strange relationship." I said. "He is very forward and flirtatious with me. In the past I let him get away with it because I knew there was no use fighting him."

"If he's harassing you, then why don't you report him?" Adam said snidely.

"It's complicated," was all I could say.

"Do you love him?" Adam asked.

"No." I said. "Yes," I reneged. Why lie to him?

"Interesting way to answer that," Adam said sarcastically.

"I was already planning on ending it with you when he did that," I said. "Ranger kissed me with you watching because he knew I was chickening out."

"You could have just emailed me," Adam said.

"That would be terrible," I told him.

"Trust me, I would have preferred it."

"I didn't want it to go this way."

"Me too," he agreed, but in a much different way. "I wished I'd never wasted my time with you." We stood in silence for a moment, long enough for me to see the car he was planning to get into.

"Where's your Aston Martin?"

"It was a rental."

"Seriously?"

"Yes! I can't afford a car like that. I was just trying to impress you. Happy?"

And then he got into the inferior car and left. After watching him drive off I slowly walked back to my car. I did what I had to do. Just, not in the way I had hoped.

When I got back to my car, another one of Ranger's cars was there. I recognized the guy driving. He came out to meet me and told me that Ranger had given me the right to the Pieterhoffer bond: 10 percent of 7,500. Pretty decent. I knew that he'd given me all the money due to what pain he had just caused me. Sure I was planning on breaking up with Adam already, but not like that. I went back to Vinny's and got my check, cashed it, and then went home and took a nap.

I was woken up by a knock on my door. Was it Adam? I went to the door and peeked through the peephole. It was Morelli. I looked away and leaned against the door.

"I know you're home," I heard him say on the other side. "I saw your car, and you walk really loud when you've just woken up." I still didn't open the door. I seriously wasn't interested. But then I heard keys rattling, and then I heard my lock tumble. I took a step back and watched him enter. "You okay?" he asked.

"I'm awesome," I replied. Morelli knew me well enough to know I was lying, but I was in a sarcastic mood.

"I don't like Ranger putting the moves on you," Morelli said. "But I liked that Adam guy doing it even less."

"Wait, what?" I was fully alert now. "How do you know what happened?"

"Your new ex spent no time waiting to retaliate," Morelli told me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Got your computer handy?"

"What for?"

"Adam Litchfield has a web journal," Morelli told me. He seemed to be fighting a smile.

"He wrote about me on his blog?"

"Well, wrote seems like a pretty mild word."

I went to my laptop and opened Google. I typed in, 'Adam Litchfield blog.' The website had his name and photo much like the newspaper. It had some little italicized sentence that I guess is meant to tell you the point of the blog. 'What the Times doesn't pay me for.' There was a new entry entitled, 'Bitch.' I clicked on it, read the first paragraph, and screamed. He had written an article about our relationship, shared personal comments about me, and even had a photshopped photo if my head on a body that belonged to someone of Grandma Mazur's age group.

"Now I know better than anyone that you look a million times better than that," Morelli said from the doorway to my living room.

"DICK!" I screeched.

"Me or him?" Morelli asked.

I read the entire article and thought my head was going to pop off. The final paragraph really pissed me off. It was an insulting poem about the one time he and I had had sex.

"And you got mad at me for writing a much more complimenting poem about you on a sub shop bathroom wall when I was a kid," Morelli said. "I don't know about you, but I think this is so much worse."

"I want to kill him." I said through my teeth. "I want to get my 38. Smith and Wesson out of my cookie jar and shoot him in the crotch. I want to pull a Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride and write a letter to the Trenton Times editor. I want to write an article like this of my own about him. I bet I could entertain millions with my retelling of how terrible he was."

"But that would only make you as immature as him," Morelli said, being the reasonable one in the room. "But if you really need to get back at him, I'd chose the letter to the editor."

"They probably can't do anything about his blog," I said, feeling completely put out.

"His blog's description is, 'What they don't pay me to write.'" Morelli said. "What are the chances they don't know this exists, and that it's not grounds for him getting fired."

"Why would they care?" I asked. "Free speech."

"His blog isn't advertised on the Times website."

"So?"

"…Look at his past entry from a month ago," Morelli told me, smiling evilly. I looked, and saw one titled, 'Asspaper.' It was a rant about his job. And then I got where Morelli was going with this. Plenty of people have been fired for posting bad things about their employers online.

"You think the Times will care?" I asked Morelli.

"They might," he replied. "Give it a shot." I was very tempted. While I was thinking about it, Morelli went to use my bathroom. I turned back to my computer. But instead of trying to write my response, I checked my Facebook. Adam hadn't deleted me, but he had sent me an email.

I was planning on dumping you anyway just so you know. I decided to go back to Ashley. She's so much better than you.

-Adam

When Morelli came back into the room he sat down next to me on the couch. I snuggled up to him, and he put his arm around me. We sat like that for a bit before Morelli sat up to do something on my computer. He clicked on my edit button on my Facebook page. He went to the relationship preference and changed me from single to in a relationship.

"You're kidding right?" I asked him.

"Why not?" Morelli asked, and then he smiled. I had been thinking about going back to Morelli the last few minutes. But Ranger of course, conflicted my mind. I still didn't have the ability to love just one of them. So I sat forward too and clicked on relationship preference again. I selected, 'It's complicated.' It seemed to make much more sense.

*Anyone see the underlying message of the story? No one is better than Ranger and Morelli. Steph is doomed to be stuck with the sexiest guys in literature. Such a tough break, right? Ha ha. I hope you enjoyed my story. Who knew Stephanie Plum would ever encounter Facebook? -DD *


End file.
